1 - That I could not dress from head to toe as a woman.
2 - That I could not go in public dressed as a woman.
3 - That my friends and family would ostracize me if I told them that I dress as a woman.
4 - That everyone would know that I am a cross dresser if I: paint my nails, pierce my ears, wear female jewelry, wear female clothes.
5 - If I show my face on my blog my world will come crashing down.
A little further explanation about these things:
1 - I suppose some part of me felt that I could not do this. But guess what? I can and further more I think I do it pretty well. Oh but FYI - it took me about 5-10 years of partial dressing before I allowed myself to do it from head to toe. One thing that stopped me - I would have to shave my goatee, which I justified for years that I could not do because then I would too young. I look back now and think 'gawd I used ridiculous excuses.'
2 - Another thing that took me years to get over. Sure I could dress as a woman at home, but there is no way I could go out in public. I thought people would laugh and point and circle around me taunting me like I was a small child on an school playground. And those would be the small things that people would do, the big things included beating me to death because they were so offended by my audacious behavior. Well sorry brain, yet again you were wrong.
3 - I thought my wife would leave me; she hasn't. I thought my sister would not want to speak to me; we are closer than ever. I thought my friends would think I was a freak; some great people told me this past Saturday how I have made their marriage better. Hmm, yet again I was wrong. How weird.
4 - Let me clarify - I thought everyone would know I was a cross dresser if I did those things while dressed primarily as a male. Wouldn't you know it, I was wrong, wrong, wrong! I am still surprised by this one. Apparently after discussing it with many people none of those things tipped people off to the truth of my behavior. Wanna know what did? Yup something did tip people off to me being a cross dresser before I told them. Okay here goes - They saw the female underwear I was wearing at some point when the back of my shirt rode up. They had to see me wearing something undeniably female before they would allow themselves to think of me as a cross dresser. And I never worried about that one bit. Everything else I did worry about, I never needed to as I was quite wrong.
5 - Well, it has not been that long since I decided to do this and admittedly I am still worried about it, but so far, so good. My world has not ended yet and further more I am not really sure how it could ever cause my world to come crashing down. Oh I know there are a lot of scenarios that my mind can come up with as to how exactly this will ruin me, but I know that 90-100% of what I worry about is a bunch of BS.
I love proving my worry wrong. How about you? Have you worried about things that have never come true?
Image from: http://www.dbaldinger.com/drawings/worry.html
It really does seem that our fears tend to control our actions when it comes to crossdressing. There is a sense of affirmation that we get from getting out and about while dressed. It is a true form of freedom.
ReplyDeleteWhile FDR said that "there is nothing to fear except fear itself" I think that Annie on her blog crossdrivingwithannie/blogspot.com found a Jim Morrison quote that works even better for us.
"Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free."
Our founders understood the virtues and needs of all to be free.
Regards,
Pat
I love it Pat. Thanks for sharing that Morrison quote. I think it works quite well for us!
DeleteFreedom? I think most people think it is something that is given to us. I think it is something that needs to be taken, often from ourselves.
Confession: I have got as far as 3 and baulked. Yes, my wife knows, but is only tolerant, which is not great.
ReplyDeleteAlso, we have a teenage daughter which complicates things. Some days I think she'd be ok - she even remarked that TG was cool, but I doubt she would think it so cool that her own dad did the top to toe thing. Some of her classmates dress up a bit, but all either present as or are classed as a bit gay, so no help there then.
Your blog is full of so much good stuff - wish I had discovered it earlier!
All the best
Penny
Hi Penny. Thanks for visiting. I am happy that you like my blog.
DeleteYea, I would imagine that having kids would complicate things quite a bit. I honestly do not know what I would do if faced with a similar situation. My wife and I chose to not have children for other reasons and it does allow me some more freedoms than others from what I hear.
Thanks!
So very true Nadine. It is so easy to think the world will end if you do this or that. It's amazing to think that not everyone out there in public is waiting for you to walk down the sidewalk and point you out to everyone. Most people just don't care and mind their own business, and so many people appreciate openness and honesty. Overcoming those fears is sooooo rewarding. I'm so happy to hear that you're smashing them down.
ReplyDeleteKatie
Thanks Katie!
DeleteI saw a quote yesterday 'you are not as important as you think you are.' Sometimes I think that while out and about and people are not paying any attention to me what so ever; they are surprisingly just going about their business.
So true that most people really don't care at all and they really do appreciate openness and honesty. I find that my approach is reflected in others; if I act weird they do as well; if I act normal so do they.
I love examining myself and realizing my own fears and then proving myself to be wrong.
Thanks again!
Isn't it glorious to be wrong?
ReplyDeleteI wasted so many years before finding my true femme self. I had to bottom out and realize that Leslie would not be denied.
Great observations, Nadine!
Thanks Leslie Ann. I do love being wrong. And it is quite surprising how often it occurs.
Delete