Seriously? Male Privilege

I literally raised my hand and put my palm out towards his face and said "I seriously cannot do this," and I walked away while asking my wife to take over.  She kindly went and found the repairman while I went and had a cigarette.  I thought I was pretty clear on the whole male privilege thing.  I mean I have been dressing as me for about the last fifteen to twenty years.  I have experienced people.  I have experienced males behaving as males may tend to do.  I thought I knew what it felt like for someone to exert their privilege.  I was wrong.

As you may know, I am a teacher.  Currently I am on winter break.  That does not mean tons of fun filled exciting vacay days!  Nope.  It is filled with trying to get everything done that I have been avoiding for the past 5 months.  Yesterday we had two different home repair guys come and do some work for us around here.

The first was a Culligan water guy.  We have super bad well water pumped into our houses around where I live.  The result has been that our water company wants Culligan to install in home water filtration systems.  Sounds great, except for that we get to pay extra for that.  And most of us don't want it.  Heck, I already get Culligan delivered.  Anywho, I had to have it done.

What I didn't need to have is the Culligan dude explain to me that he was going to drill a new hole in my sink because that is the way he has done it for twenty years.  When I asked why he couldn't just use one of the four holes already in the sink. it was explained to me that it would be harder, and he may damage our faucet and he didn't want to accept that responsibility.  However, it seriously took me about four or five times of asking him repeatedly about it before he said that stuff.  Prior to that, it was, this is the way he was going to it, because he said so.  Wow, seriously?

That project got finished up and in the afternoon the heater repair guy arrived.  I explained our problem.  The heater kicks on in the middle of the night, the fan starts blowing, but the burner never lights and thus all we get is frozen in the middle of the night.  I explained how we can turn it off, then on again, and it works for a little bit until it fails again.  The dude was going to go look at the heating unit but then asked to see my thermostat.  Upon viewing my thermostat, he explained to me that the temperature was set too low for the unit to come on and that my solution was that I simply needed to adjust my thermostat.

I'll admit I began my eye-rolling around this time.  I explained that was the case because it was the middle of the day, and not freezing cold as it is at night.  That my thermostat was set properly, but the heating unit was not functioning properly, for a reason other than the setting on the thermostat.  The guy futzed with the thermostat some more, and then called me over to him.  He then began very slowly explaining to me how a thermostat works.

Which is exactly when I shoved my palm out towards his face, told him I seriously could not do this, and walked away.  Fortunately my wife took over.  She soothed his fragile male ego, and listened to him patiently explain how to set the thermostat.  He then reprogrammed my thermostat, that I installed, and that I programmed to turn on with my preferred settings.  Eventually my wife got him to go on the roof and at least look at the unit.

I thanked my wife up and down and asked "how in the hell have you dealt with this bullshit your entire fucking life?"  To which she laughed.  We then had a good conversation about the realities of trying to live while being female.

Meanwhile the repair guy went on the roof, looked at the unit, did nothing, came down, and told us it was fixed and it would be $65.  It was really a good thing my wife handled it, because I don't think I could have handled paying him anything.  I was certainty not interested in paying him for treating us like we were stupid.  The guy seriously did nothing except for basically tell my wife and I that we are too stupid to know how the thermostat in our house works.

This is a weird occurrence for me.  On the one hand it is terribly insulting.  On the other hand it is flattering.  Why the positive?  Well it is a reality of my life, I want people to gender me properly, as a woman.  If I am being discriminated against because they perceive me as female, well that is at least a win for being properly gendered!  Yay!  But, really, no, not yay, actually boo!  Boo?  Well not for the gendering part, but for the realities faced by millions of women, ever fucking day!

Can I tell you a story?  Why yes, I can!  I was visiting my hormone providing doctor.  She told of a story of a transwoman at a party.  A guy came up to her from behind while she was bending over.  The guy swiped his hand down between her legs and up between her butt.  The transwoman was shocked, but that was not the point of the story, my doctors point was how unfazed she was at hearing the story.  Her response was one of "yup, that's life as a woman."  Wow! Seriously?

I mentioned to my therapist how pissed this all makes me, especially when I hear some cisgender people talk about how transitioning is such a choice.  Yeah, well I'm curious, why would anyone think that someone would be interested in choosing this.

I thought I knew about privilege.  I thought that when I was presenting male that I did not take advantage of that privilege.  However, I now realize how foolish that was of me to think.  Privilege is generally not something that someone takes, it is something that someone gives.  As in, there was nothing I could say to get that heater repair guy to listen to me and take me seriously, he had to want to do that.  And what he saw was a dumb blond girl who couldn't possibly know anything about how a complex thing such as a thermostat worked, and thus he had no interest in what I was saying.  That's privilege there pal.

So yeah.  I've got lots left to learn.  And as a society we have a lot of growth to do still.

Love you!

Love yourselves!

Love and respect life, for it is precious.

Supporting Local LGBT+ Youth

Sweater - Michael Kors - Similar @Amazon

Tank - Mossimo - Similar @Amazon

Pants - Liverpool Kaylee Skinny Jean - Similar @Amazon, @Liverpool

Shoes - Asics - Similar @Amazon

Goodness, not the best expression,
or look for my eyes, but my outfit is cute!

This is what I wore to a local LGBT+ event.  I live near Visalia, Ca and our main resource center is The Source.  For the past few years they have been doing a fundraising event called Over the Edge.  People pledge to make so much money in donations and if they meet their goal, then they repel off the highest structure in the city.  I personally do not want to repel off the building, no matter what, so I just go to cheer on my friends.

On this particular day a young trans male from our transgender group meetings was going over the edge.  He and his mom are spectacular.  He is 12 years old, in middle school, and living and his true self, with the love, help, and support from his mother!  Wow, right?  It is a fabulous thing to be able to see and gives me tremendous hope for what the future of being transgender means.

So cool.

After seeing this young man accomplish his goal, I was off to complete my daily goals.  First was Lowes, then CostCo, Target, and finally Save Mart, our local grocery store.  I arrived home, unloaded all of my purchases, and grabbed the camera. 

I know, I know, I am very remiss in my blogging duties!  Alas, such is life, and if you may recall, long, long, long ago, in a land far, far, far away, I did mention that I make no promises as to the frequency of this blog.  In fact, I think I went so far as to say, don't ever expect any sort of regularity from me here at this site.  Hmmm...... I think I doth protest too much!!!  Hahahaha!

Seriously, life is good, but busy.  I've added things to my already overloaded system.  They are fun, but filling! 

Love you!

Love yourselves!

Love supporting each other!

Friends, Mis-Gendering, and Warm Fuzzies

My friend has an amazing filter on her camera, it removed about 20 years!!

I had a fascinating set of interactions with some friends recently.  One of them was with three different teachers I worked with for a few years, the second one was with a college professor who I work with in helping to teach teachers, and the third was one of my employers. 

While they will certainly recognize themselves in this post, I will change their names.  My employer, let's call her Emily, I met about ten years ago, obviously when I was presenting male.  The college professor, umm..... Matt, I met at the same time as Emily, though at that time he was teaching me how to better teach math.  The three teachers, Shelly, Mable, and Tom, I met about five years ago, I was their math coach, employed by Emily, and assisted by Matt.  Okay, so if you followed that, you know the players.

I worked with the teachers for about two to three years, all while presenting male, though I did share this blog with several of them.  Anywho, the job ended, life moved on, I stayed in touch with Shelly through Facebook, and I happened to transition during this time period.  Uh, yeah, that happened.  Earlier this year, I thought it would be fun to meet up with them for lunch.  We made plans, and all arrived at the selected destination.  Tom was clearly unaware that I had transitioned.  In fact that moment was the first that he discovered anything about my gender variance. 

I naively assumed that Shelly would inform everybody about my transition.  Her version of events is that it was not her business to share. Wow, so cool!  That is not what the expected norm is that most trans people dread.  However, when Shelly shared further that she also had not updated my name in her phone, I was acutely aware that I had not done my due diligence.  Here were three friends that I clearly neglected to have the conversation about my transition with.  And now they were in the dark and just barely catching up, and I am left feeling uncomfortable about my lack of communication.  The lunch went very well, and it was enjoyable.  We did catch up.  Many mis-genderings occurred, and a few mis-namings, but effort was made, and we had a good time.

A few weeks later, I met up with Emily and Matt again.  Emily is employing me again to continue trying to teach other teachers, and Matt is doing his math-guru thing, teaching teachers, teaching coaches, teaching the world.  Matt is actually very familiar with the teachers I met up with, and Shelly in particular.  I mentioned to him that I saw them for lunch.  He was happy and we reminisced.  Later that day, Matt said he would call me to meet up in the evening for a drink of wine.  I joked with him about whether he still had my phone number and if he had been like Shelly and had not yet updated me in his contacts.  He informed me that he already did update it and told me he would give me a call. 

We never did get a chance to meet up that evening, however, the next, Matt made a point to come up to me.  He said I want you to know that, even though I met you ten years ago, and you were clearly presenting male, it feels as though I have always known you as a woman.  As soon as you told me your real name, I immediately updated it in my contacts, and that is the only person I ever think of you as. 

Ummmm..... WOW!   Wow, Matt, you hit that one out of the park baby!  That was one hell of a home run statement!  When I re-told that story to my therapist, she got goose bumps.  For me, I have had warm fuzzies every since. 

Okay, so later that day, after speaking with Matt, I found myself chatting with Emily.  She was letting me know how bad she has felt for all of the mis-genderings she has done.  She has done quite a few, but she is working on it, and getting better.  The other thing is, she often calls herself on it, which is nice.  She said to me, that she is sorry, but that she is also super thankful about how kind, polite, and forgiving I am towards those who may make a mistake.  I told her, well, but of course, it is understandable that it can be difficult for some.  She thanked me again, and mentioned that many trans people she has known have not been nearly as gracious as I have been.  I told her that I appreciated her speaking to me.  And I really did appreciate it, especially when later that afternoon she did properly gender me. 

So there ya go.  That is a nice summation of what it has been like since coming out to one of my employers.  In short, it has gone fabulously!  And did you notice what I did there with the three teachers?  I blamed myself, not them.  Sure I could blame them, but what would I be proving?  That I can be petty and bitchy?  I didn't go there, and I'm not going to go there.  That's just not me.  It does indeed hurt being mis-gendered, and mis-named, but I believe in being kind, and being optimistic about the future. 

Sure it would be great if everybody thought the way that Matt does, it's actually quite impressive, but that is just not reality.  Reality is, if I want to continue meeting these teachers for lunch, every now and then, and to have them properly name and gender me, I choose to be nice now when they are taking the time to learn.  I'm a teacher.  I'm very forgiving in the face of those attempting to learn.  In fact, I'm going to be, helpful, kind, and nice. 

Love you!

Love yourselves!

Love learning and growing!

My Awesome Electrologist

The photo on the left is from one year ago.  The photo on the right is from today.  This is to show what 7 months of facial electrolysis has done for me.  I don't have makeup on in either photo, well except for my obvious pink lipstick on the right. 

Why am I appearing so bare??  This is an advertisement for Dana Elise Solutions in Beverly Hills.  Well, it is for sure going to come off like a commercial, however, it isn't really a commercial because I'm not getting any sort of compensation for this endorsement.  Which for an honest assessment that is probably a good thing huh?  Probably.  At least there is a hope of honesty. Hmm.....

Anywho..... point at hand - Dana's electrolysis services are amaze balls.  I somewhat reluctantly agreed to go for facial electrolysis back in July.  Which makes it about seven months now since I have been going in.

The nitty gritty:

- I have worked with Dana, Karen, and Gladys.  All three of them do great work.  Though my personal fave is when I get to work with Dana and Karen together.

- The rates are very in line with everyone else.

- Expect for the hairs to be flying when working with them.  They are super concerned with speed, accuracy, and being thorough.  I happily shake off the stray hairs every time I get up. 

- The basic policy about what hair they can remove is pretty simple - if they can see it and get to it, they can zap it.  So they will do hairlines, faces, arms, legs, backs, chests, genitals, inside noses, ears, you name it, they've probably zapped it!

- They have a nurse on-site who can administer lidocaine injections - a mandatory thing in my never to be humble opinion.

- The office is super clean, with a highly sanitary work environment.

- Parking is super easy even with it being in Beverly Hills - it is right across a small street.  You park, go down an elevator, hop across the street, go up 1 flight of stairs and boom you're there.  I frequently pass nobody, and at most it may be four or five people.

- Scheduling is a challenge, because they are SO good at what they do.  Currently I am scheduled until June!  So, they are worth the effort and wait!!  Obviously, because they are so busy right?  Well duh!  Anybody who is going to fit you in tomorrow when you call today is probably not someone you want to go to.

- They will do marathon appointments, with two electrologists.  Which is great for out of town folk.  My longest appointments have been 6 hours with two people, which equals 12 hours of work!!

- With the photo on the right, from today, I just had my last treatment last weekend.  The swelling took about 4 days to go down.  This was the 4th time my face was fully cleared.  In about two weeks or so, I will have some of the hairs return for another round of zapping.

Okay.  So, I think that is the basic lowdown.  Other than that, the ladies working there are super friendly.  They make a tough day a very enjoyable one.  I am super appreciative of the hard work that they do and the high quality of work I have had.  How many issues have I had with scabs and scarring, ummmm, NONE!!!!  None at all, not one issue.  And they are using some super zapping equipment as well.  I have no idea what it is, but apparently their machines are the bomb!

What else can I say????  How about some personal tips???

- Don't expect to go in, have your hair zapped off, and then to go out on the ton later that night, or even the next few days.  I have been going now for eight months, the last time was a full face zapping, my swelling lasted for about 4 days.

- Find a licensed electrologist.  Do not skimp on quality.  Especially if they are working on your face.  You want the best!  Some states do not require electrologists to be licensed, anyone can do it.  Ummm.... yikes!  That is scary.

- Be willing to pay for and wait for experience.  You want someone who knows what they are doing.

- Treat your electrologist well!  I know it hurts, but they are doing you a favor!  It is hard work that they are doing, and you being an emotional basket case makes the experience worse for everyone involved.

- Be prepared for the long haul.  This is not a quick road to travel.  Electrolysis is the only proven method of permanently removing unwanted hair.  But it will take you about one to two years to get it all done.

Gatekeeping, Ignorance, Transphobia

Do you know what gatekeeping is?  Here is an acceptable definition:

the activity of controlling, and usually limiting, general access to something.

How exactly does that apply to trans folk?  Normally it is interpreted as - you cannot do this thing, take hormones or have surgeries, until you have met the following predefined characteristics.  Those characteristics are outlined within WPATH's(World Professional Association for Transgender Health) SOC (standards of care.)  The SOC have never been an issue for me until recently.

About six months ago I had a pretty big panic attack when my pharmacy told me they would not be able to refill my spironolactone scrip due to being out of that medication, and further more they had no idea of when they were going to be getting anymore.  Admittedly I was going to a very poorly run CVS, but still!  They advised me to start calling around.  Which I immediately did.  My panic levels slowly rose with each phone call and denial I received.  If you don't know, it is the spironolactone which keeps me from absorbing that wonderful, naturally produced steroid called testosterone.

Pretty much no one, especially me, wants me operating on testosterone ever again.  It is not a pretty scene.  Anywho..... after a multitude of phone calls and a few in person visits, I finally found a pharmacy willing to work with me, who calmly explained that they would easily fill the script, just with a different manufacturer's version of the drug.  Whew!  Close one.

But it drove the point home, that it radically pisses me off that I am not in control over my own body.  I don't naturally produce the hormones that I should, and further more, my very own body is constantly in a battle to poison me with that nasty testosterone!  (I get that if you like it T can be just as awesome as E, as long as that is what you are wanting and expecting.  I also understand that T is not a poison, I'm just stating it for dramatic effect!)

Okay, so super long prelude to discuss something that many of you may not wish to read about - So this is your fair warning part - if you would rather not read about personal intimate surgeries, then go no further as this is exactly what will be discussed - and it will involve those private of privates, genitals!

Are you sure you want to proceed?

Really sure?

Okay, but don't tell me I didn't warn you!!

I want to have my testicles removed.  There, I said it.  Yeah, I know, thrilling.  Well actually for several people in my life, this decision kind of freaked them out.  Me?  Nope, I've been wanting it for awhile now.  My wife, nope, she totally gets where I am coming from and is in full support of me.  However, some others?  Not so much.

Whatever..... this procedure, if you don't know, is called an orchiectomy.  It is a fairly small procedure, which lasts about an hour and can be done either under a general or a local anesthesia.  However, in order to qualify for this surgery, certain hurdles need to be passed.  I have had no issue with passing all of these hurdles, except for one.  Most doctors willing to do this procedure need 3 letters, 1 from my hormone doctor, 1 from my therapist, and 1 from a mental health professional with a doctorate degree.  My doctor readily gave me hers, my therapist is working on hers, but I don't have the third.  My therapist recommended a psychologist who I had heard of.  What transpires is our interaction.

(I did try and remove any identifying information from this person, but if want to know who it is, email me and I'll share it with you personally.)

 Hi  -

I am a transgender middle school math teacher in California.  I have been working with my doctor, Julie Nicole for my hormones, and my therapist Carol Montgomery Brosnac, for about the past year and a half.  Carol is who recommended me to you.  I have been researching doctors to help me with an orchiectomy.  Several of the places I have spoken to are requesting a 2nd letter from a mental health expert and I was wondering if you can help me out with that.

I live in the Central Valley, near Bakersfield, so possibly doing an online appointment would be ideal.  However, I think you are closer to the Bay Area, and it is possible for me to drive on up that way if that is what would be best.  

Please let me know if you are able to assist me with this. 

Thank you!

Dear Kelly

I will be glad to help you with this matter. I am familiar with both
Carol and Julie and feel good about following up on their work with you.

I am open to working with you over Skype. Before we set a date please
read my new client information page
(on her website)  If you agree with the
conditions I have listed there, get back to me with your consent and I
will get back to you to set up an appointment via skype.

My fee is $150 per session. If all goes well, I should have enough
information in one session to feel competent in writing the letter.
There is an additional fee of $50 for my time writing the letter.

Thank you for your inquiry. I look forward to hearing from you.

Dear _______-

Thanks for the prompt reply.  I have read your client information and all seems good.  However, before we proceed to an actual appointment I do have a concern.  While Dr. Nicole and Carol are both in support of me in receiving an orchi, WPATH guidelines clearly state that I need to have been living in my preferred gender role for at least 1 year.  That is the area in which I am a bit fuzzy.  Talking to Carol she said it is a recommendation and in version 8 of the SOC, it may be removed in regarding just an orchi.  Just a brief bit about me - I was convinced that I was non-binary for the past 8-10 years or so.  During that time I went to work, and lived my life in a half and half appearance.  Meaning, everything I wore was feminine, clothes, jewelry, painted nails, using a purse, etc, however I did not have anyone address me as female.  I thought I was doing well until I had a bit of a break down and realized I was not addressing the real issue.  Which of course is that I am actually a woman.  That is when I began hormones.  Which was July 3rd, 2018.  I then let everyone at my job know that I am trans as I had to dispute my employers discriminatory health care policy,  I made an appeal, they denied, I took them to EEOC, we mediated, and as it turns out they are totally legally able to deny my health care benefits based on being a private pay insurance.  Sorry for the long story - it was at that point that I began to pursue my legal transition.  I got my legal stuff done on June 28.  Woo-Hoo!!  Thus I then began this school year with my new legal female name, and had students switch to Mrs. I have decided to make my appearance decidedly much more feminine to help others in my life with the changes.  Oh and yeah, my wife has always known, married for 22 years, together for 32, my sister, my only remaining family has known for at least 10 years or so.  And at this point I don't think there is anyone who doesn't know.

Okie dokie, so now here we are, and I am pursuing an orchi but many places wont even talk to me until I have 3 letters.  Being as you are a WPATH doctor, would you be willing to hear my story and at least consider writing me a letter recommending an orchi, even though technically I have not been "full time" for the 1 year period?  If it helps at all, most likely the orchi would not take place until next June.  

If this is acceptable to you then I would for sure be willing to meet with you.  If not, I'd rather not waste more of both of our time, so please let me know your thoughts on the matter.

Thank you!

Kelly
Thank you for the informative reply. My first take on what you have told me is why do you want an orchiectomy so early into your transition? Is there a medical need for one--i.e. you can't tolerate large doses of estrogen? If that is the case there would be no one year RLE requirement. Another question...if you are not planning on having the orchi until next June, why do you want the letter now? One of the reasons a letter is required is for the surgeon to know you have been examined by a mental health provider and can make an informed consent to the surgery. Having that examination 8 months in advance does not qualify as timely. He or she may want a more current letter later on. Another question...do you have a surgeon set up for this? Perhaps you have already discussed this issue with him or her and have some sort of agreement.
Having said that, I remain open to seeing you for the evaluation. Keep in mind that the letter would note your state of mind as of the date we see each other and that you will not have satisfied the SOC until June 2019. At that point it will be up to you and the surgeon to decide what  to do. 
Let me know how you want to proceed.




Hi -

1.  Why do I want an orchiectomy so early into my transiton?

I do not consider where I am at to be early into my transition.  Personally I see my transition as having been a long drawn out one.  True, there are those who would view my transition as having just started.  But that view point is highly limited in its definition of transition.  There are those out there that do indeed go from appearing as nothing but one gender and then abruptly change to appearing as the opposite one.  But that is not me.  And that is certainly not how those in my life have viewed me.  I would estimate that my social and professional transition began at least 10 years ago.  That is the point at which I decided to stop appearing as a typical male would.  I began dressing, full time, as a blend of genders.  Pretty much the only difference in my appearance between then and now is that now I wear a wig and makeup on most days as opposed to just some days.  There is the difference as well with having legally transitioned.  But assuming that I am early in my transition erases non-binary entities entirely.  I would more accurately describe this stage of my transition as far closer to the end of my transition than the beginning.

2.  Why do I want the letter now being as I am not planning on having the procedure until June?

Many surgeons will not even have a consultation with me until I have 3 letters.  In fact I am finding it extremely difficult to find surgeons who are willing to work with me as I am only interested in an orchi and that I do not have insurance coverage.  The other issue, I did mention I am a math teacher right?  As such I like to have my "ducks" in a line as much as possible.  Most of the places that have published information on surgeon's desires have stated that for most insurance companies the letters need to be dated within the last 12 months.  Placing my desire to obtain this gate-keeping letter at this point well within that time range.

3.  Do I have a surgeon setup for this?

As of now, no.  However the most promising of my inquiries has been with the TG surgery center in Philadelphia.  Which I finally heard back from late last week.  They actually do not require 3 letters, only 2 for an orchiectomy.  Which would make our conversation here moot.

4.  I will not have met the SOC until June 2019.

Again, I feel that is a very narrow and limited view of what a transition consists of.  Which makes me question why this is the ultimate date marker for me.  Would you consider that to be the official date of living as my preferred gender due to me having received my court ordered name and gender change in June?  As if that is the moment that I began presenting as my preferred gender full time?  So does it negate the one year full time requirement if I chose to not wear my wig and makeup on one or both weekend days?  Personally what this makes me ponder is, do the SOC apply to non-binary individuals?  Or if you are non-binary will you not ever qualify to have any genital surgeries?  One can have breasts installed or removed.  One can have FFS.  But one cannot have their testicles removed unless one is the stereotypical transexual woman and presents as a stereotypical cis-woman does?  So, what if I legally change everything, however I don't present as some think I should, would I not ever qualify then?  

Basically, what I am seeing is a deficit in the way the SOC are applied towards non-binary humans.  The SOC are fine, if you think that gender is a binary and humans are either one or the other.  And that even if I wear women's clothes full time, along with my nails painted, along with using a purse, along with wearing nothing but feminine jewelry, along with telling everyone in my life that I am transgender, that I am somehow less of a transgender human being because I am not conforming to someone else's idea of what gender is.  

As a non-binary human, I went to my job and fought for the rights of all transgender individuals.  I went before a public committee and argued that our company should cover all transgender healthcare procedures.  When that appeal was denied, I took my concern to the EEOC.  I participated in mediation, attempting to have my company's policies changed,  And what I am currently hearing is that even if my company changed their policies, I personally would not have benefited from that change until I presented full time?  

Much of this reeks of a trannier than though attitude.  Those who are deemed transgender enough, by those who are in positions of power, wield that over other individuals in an attempt to get them to conform to their view of the world.  This process does not seem any different than the transphobic attitudes expressed by our current POTUS.  You will express your gender the way I say you should express your gender, otherwise I will not give you the same basic civil rights because I deem you to be somehow lesser.  

I know that I am opinionated, and I hope that I have not personally offended you.  For while even expressing my opinion I am terrified that at some point I will need to return to our interaction and ask you yet again for a letter that I should not have to need in the first place.  Cis-gender humans can have procedures done to themselves without a single letter from either a doctor, or any mental health professionals, they simply need to find a doctor willing to perform the procedure and be able to pay for it.  Should not all transgender human beings be afforded the same basic decencies?  

I will trust that you will remain a professional and that if in the future I will indeed need your services for this letter that you will remain open to working with me.  Thank you very much for your time in this matter.

Sincerely,

Kelly 

Kelly
That is quite a discourse on how you have been discriminated against by the SOC 7 (of which I am a co-author). All I did was ask a few basic questions as to where you were in the course of living your life. What I got back went way beyond that to being insulting. Comparing me to "POTUS", especially after the last couple of days, was beyond my ability to continue to be professionally objective about working with you in the future.






_______ -

Can I remind you of these couple of sentences, "Keep in mind that the letter would note your state of mind as of the date we see each other and that you will not have satisfied the SOC until June 2019. At that point it will be up to you and the surgeon to decide what  to do."

That was not a simple ask to a few basic questions.  That was directly informing me that regardless of what transpired during our potential meeting, that June 2019 was the date at which I would be able to receive the procedure I am interested in.  

That was plenty clear.  If that was not what you meant, maybe it should have been stated otherwise.  It is unfortunate that you are unable to remain professional about this matter.  I will allow my therapist to understand that for non-binary individuals that you may not be the best resource to refer people to in the future.

This is why WPATH has gotten a bad rap for being a group of gatekeepers.  However, my therapist is a WPATH therapist and her opinion on the matter is far different than the one expressed by this doctor.  The other thing, if you didn't catch it, is that I found a surgeon willing to do the procedure with only my doctor's letter, and my therapist's.  Thus I luckily do not have a need for this letter.

As well, while closely reading the SOC I discovered that this particular psychologist, who claims to be a co-author of the SOC, is unaware that in Version 7, there is no need for any RLE (real life experience.)  Shouldn't someone claiming to be not only an expert, but a co-author be aware of what the SOC actually says?  I think they should.  Especially when they then attempt to use that as a basis for denying care!  Unreal! 

But isn't the real issue here transphobia?  It is only through a transphobic society that prerequisites are established for how one treats their own body, when it does not conform to expected gender norms.  Now I am not a professional surgery expert, and I certainly do not know everything there is to know about every possible surgery out there.  But with that being said, I also have not heard of any other surgical procedure that requires what transgender genital surgery does.  There are a multitude of prerequisites to be met in order to even be considered for those procedures.

Some of you may think that it is a good thing.  But I will again question you and ask, what other procedures require the consent of 4 people - the doctor performing the procedure, the doctor who gives you hormones, a therapist, and a psychologist?  As well as other requirements.  Look them up if you'd like.  Think this is good?  Then I better start seeing you protest to have similar "protections" put in place for similar cis-gender surgeries as well.  It's not going happen.  Want a facial surgery, go for it, want bigger or smaller or no boobs?  Go for it.  Want your vagina redesigned?  Yup, go for it!  Not one of those things require anything other than your desire and a doctor willing to do it.  Transphobic much?

Okay, I gotta stop!

I love you!

I hope you love yourself!

So I did a Little Thing

One of the easiest things in this process of legally changing my name and my gender was getting this driver's license.  You may recall that I was quite nervous about the process.  In the end, it was super easy and I was in and out of the DMV in about 20 minutes.  Yes I did have an appointment, and I highly recommend making one if you are ever in a need to visit that lovely place.

The super surprising thing about the entire process was that exactly one week later, I received this lovely little piece of plastic in the mail!  Woo-Hoo!  I finally failed sex!  Get it?  I've got the F next to the word sex on there.  Yeah, I know, I'm fricken hilarious!  I did mention that I am a math teacher right?  Anywho..... the DMV worker said that I would receive my new license in about 3-4 weeks, and they killed that time expectation!  Lovely!  Simply lovely!  Thank you Cali DMV!

Oh, and I also think that my picture is pretty good as well.  I mean it does look as though my eyes are half closed, but heck I still look pretty darn cute, so I'll take it!  I also like that they were not so closely zoomed in on my face that you can actually see a bit of the dress I have on.  Woo-Hoo!  Now I'm just hoping that when I go in for the Real ID that they don't make me take another photo.  Crossing my fingers!

So now, onto the massive pain in the ass, my birth certificate.  Yup this little lovely came only one day after I received my driver's license.  When did I first send away for it?  July 11th.  Yeah, so that made it about 3 months to complete this mission.  It shouldn't have taken that long, but it did due to an error that I made.  Yup, I was kicking myself!

Initially I sent it off, like I said, on July 11th.  It was returned to me about 5 weeks later, and I was thrilled, until I opened the letter and discovered that I had made an error.  It said something along the lines of - mother's name at birth, and what they meant was mother's maiden name.  That would have made it clear.  Like a fool, I did what it said instead of what it meant.  They returned it, with my mother's name corrected and told me to resubmit it.

I mailed it back the very next day with the corrections having been made.  Five weeks later, I had nothing.  Sometime in the sixth or seventh week, I noticed that they cashed my check.  Woo Hoo I thought, they will be sending it to me any day now.  Alas, there was no such luck.  It took another two to three weeks for them to actually send it to me.

For me, the absolute weirdest part was that when I received both of these items, one day apart, I was not nearly as thrilled as I thought I would be.  I was happy, but not absolutely ecstatic, over the moon happy.  I actually had to tell myself to be happier.  What was the issue?  I was having my period.  Yeah, I know, not possible right?  Well, I did have a pretty major adjustment in my hormone levels at the start of last week.  My doc doubled my spiro dosage.  My T was still too high.  I think that hormone adjustment put me into a bit of a funk.

Whatevs, right?  Well for me it was as within a week I was absolutely thrilled to have gotten these two giant checkmarks off my list.  The driver's license was huge actually because that was what I was waiting for to begin pretty much all of the rest of the changes.  Now, I'm making a list and checking it twice for every last little instance of my previous name.  It will probably take quite some time for me to find every occurrence, but I will get there eventually.

In the end, if this is a course you are taking, make sure you do not make ANY errors on the birth certificate application.  That's my one piece of advice, oh and be prepared at the DMV and be willing to explain the process to whomever is attempting to help you as you may very well have to explain to them how to do it.  Yeah, that was funny for sure! 

Oh, and another super cool thing, I actually composed this blog yesterday and when I got home what was in the mail?  My new credit and bank cards!  Yay!!  Super YAY!!!  That means that pretty much everything in my wallet is now with my correct name!  That is super FUCKING AMAZE BALLS!!!  Oh, geez, oops, did I just let an F bomb fly?  YES! Yes I did!  I even yelled it right?  Yup, that happened! 

Okie dokie!  Love you!

Love yourselves!

Work hard to get yourself what you need! 

Care about the other's in your life.  But take care of yourself so that you are able to care for others. 

It's important.

Seriously. 

Love!!!!

My Outfit - Off to the DMV

Dress - White House Black Market - Similar @ WHBM, @ Amazon

Leggings - WHBM - @ WHBM, Similar @ Amazon

Booties - Unisa - Havana @ DSW, Similar @ Amazon

Scarf - WHBM - @ WHBM, Similar @ Amazon

I had waited far too long.  My court date to legally change my name and my gender was on June 28th.  My plan, which was wonderful, was to get my birth certificate and then get my new license.  Doing it in that order would allow for me to get one of those new fancy Real ID thingies.  You know, that ID that you will need if you want to board a plane, starting in October of 2020.  Yes that requirement is a ways off, but why go through the joys of visiting the DMV now, just to have to do it later??  Yeah, I'm no fool, so I sent off for my birth certificate.

Ah such well laid plans!  You know how this is going to turn out don't you?  Well you should!

Anywho..... I sent off for my new birth certificate on July 11th.  Yes I waited about a week or two between the court date and the mailing of my forms.  But remember, that was also the time at which my wife had her foot surgery.  So, I tried to cut myself some slack.  Five weeks later, I got back a letter from the CDPH (California department of public health.)  They were returning my application as it had been rejected due to an error on my part.  The place that says mother's name at birth, actually meant, mother's maiden name.  Silly me!  Why did I not understand what they meant instead of what they wrote.

Oh well!  I refilled out my application, and mailed it off again.  Within a day or two, or so, I got a letter from the DMV.  It turns out that my license will be expiring on my birthday, October 4th.  Which basically meant, I had about 8 weeks for the CDPH to receive my application, and then send me my new birth certificate before I would need them.  Plenty of time, right?  Yeah, no.

Lots of words to say, I visited the DMV yesterday to get my new license!  These photos show what I chose to wear for my day.  It actually started off with me going to my OB/GYN for my 6th month check up and blood work.  That was in the morning, so I made the DMV appointment for that afternoon.  When my doctor saw me, she mentioned that she thought my outfit was on point!  Which of course made me glow even more.  Love my doc!

I began this post with stating that I felt as though I had waited too long.  Yeah, unfortunately the birth certificate did not come, and I was not able to fulfill my original quest, that of the Real ID.  But in hindsight, I think that I was using that to avoid something I was super worried about.  It turns out that I have a little bit of an inner issue, I am terrified that someone along the way in this whole transition journey is going to tell me that I can't.  Can't what?  Can't be who I know that I am.

It is sort of like that shark in my swimming pool thing that I wrote about recently.  Logically I know that it is not going to happen, but I fear it so.  This was not something that I consciously realized prior to standing in the DMV and realizing that I was shaking.  I had shown up on time for my appointment, checked in, completed an online form, received my number, and was waiting for my number to be called.  Everything had gone smoothly, and I was pretty sure that I had all of the forms I would need to complete the job.  However, as I stood there, leaning against a counter, I realized just how terrified I was.

Realizing I was shaking with fear and doubt, I pulled out my handwriting practice paper and began to sign my name.  Have I ever mentioned that I am practicing my handwriting?  Well I am.  It has of course been one of those life long gender issues.  As a child I never practiced my writing, why should I when my teachers calmly explained to me that boys could not write as well girls due to a lack of fine motor control.  It never occurred to me to challenge their incorrect assumptions about gender and actually just practice my writing!  Well, phooey on them I say, and now 40 years later, I am actually taking the time to practice!

I stood and signed my name over and over, trying to control my breathing, and force my hand to slowly and calmly form the newly learned strokes.  I was having a tough time.  My signature was certainly shaky.  Far more shaky then it was when I wasn't terrified about some unforeseen impending doom.  Within minutes my number was called and off I went to find my window and enlighten the next individual who was going to be bound to helping me be me.

Not surprisingly the DMV worker had not performed a name and gender change before.  No worries, I talked him through it!  Yeah, seriously!  I informed him of the paper work that was needed as I handed it to him.  He tippity tapped on his keyboard, went and consulted with a more experienced worker a few times, made me some copies, had me verify everything, then gave me a temporary license to sign.  With that, he asked me to step over to the camera.  With a thumb print, a signature, and a flash, boom, I was done at the DMV!  And out I walked, no longer in possession of an incorrect male license, but with my brand new license with everything correct on it for the first time in my life.

Yeah life changing.  Seriously.  It is funny how when I finally accomplish something like this, I realize just how long I have been waiting for it.  Prior to doing things like this, I fairly confidently lie to myself that these things don't really matter.  But then I do it, and I can almost literally feel weights dropping off my shoulders.

Now, I have my court order, my SSN is updated, my driver's license is updated, and today I sent off my info to have all of my banking and insurance documents changed.  I am still waiting my for new birth certificate, but they have cashed my check so that is a good sign.  One day everything will be done, but for today I will be thrilled with what has been done.

Love you!

Love yourselves!

Have you tied looking for those things which have annoyed you for so long they have become normal?  It's worth the look.

Mental Fortitude

Recently I was questioned by a dear friend as to why it appears as though I have discontinued my blogging.  My response - mental fortitude.  Shall we take a moment and look at the definition of that phrase?


mental and emotional strength in facing difficulty, adversity, danger, or temptation courageously: Never once did her fortitude waver during that long illness.

So, um, yeah, that is what has been going on with me.  I like the part of that definition that adds the word courageously.  That is what I have been asking of myself as of late - to have courage.  It is through courage that one will eventually find confidence.  That is what I am truly seeking, confidence.  When faced with something brand new, typically most of us humans will not have confidence and we will need to rely upon courage.

What will it take to muster up that courage?  Mental and emotional strength.  While I truly do love blogging, and have every intention of continuing to do so, for now, I am using up just about all of the mental and emotional strength that I have.

Those who are not Facebook followers of mine, you may be a bit lost as to what is taking such strength and courage.  To fill you in on all of the juicy details - I have decided that this is the year that I am transitioning.  Such a surprise, mostly to myself, for I have been wavering on this decision for quite some time.  Last school year when others asked if I was transitioning, I scoffed, and laughed.  And my answer was a definitive NO.  Hahahahahahahahahaha!  Well, shocker, that apparently is exactly what I am doing!

I am thrilled that I am able to follow this path, but it is not necessarily out of design that I find myself where I am.  In many ways, it is due to outside circumstances.  Well, kinda, maybe, sort of, I guess!  Wow, how definitive!  Changing my hormones was possibly the best decision I have ever made, and I feel foolish for taking so long to take that leap.  But it is what it is and it happened when it was supposed to.  The thing about that choice though was that in order to have my insurance pay for it, I agreed to legally change my gender marker.  Inevitable is the word that I often think about with that agreement.  I was going to do it sooner or later, I suppose, but it was never what I had set out to do.  I have never been one who has known for their entire life that they are actually female.  Nope, that was not me.  I just thought I was a weirdo! 

However, that is still not where the strength and courage has been needed.  That has been with my littles.  You may recall that I am a middle school teacher.  Currently I teach 7th and 8th math, MESA, and a 3D math/art class. What that translates to is a total student load of about 150.  There are also about 350 other little lovelies that attend my school and I interact with many of them while on yard duty or just walking the campus. 

I have now completed seven days of working directly with the students and it has been going fabulously!  Amazing actually.  Quite shocking and lovingly surprising!   So.... then, what about this whole mental fortitude thing?  If everything has indeed been just as lovely as I have indicated, then why all of the mental strength and courage? 

Well..... how about this -- Since I understood that I am a bit different than your typical human, I have innately understood that it would be dangerous to ever let anybody in on my little secret.  Now what am I doing?  Openly, blatantly, and without a doubt, showing everyone just what exactly that terrifying secret has been.  Furthermore, while doing that very thing, I have large expectations for myself. 

What expectations you may ask?  Well for one, I expect myself to be thrilled at what I am choosing to do, because no one is forcing me to transition.  Second, I expect myself to be better at my job than before.  Third, I want to be able to handle any bumps or difficulties in the road with style and grace.  Lastly, I expect myself to have a smile on my face.  Too much?  Maybe.  Possibly.  How about if I frame them as goals instead of expectations?  Is that a bit more palatable?  Regardless, these are things I am wanting from myself.

If you have not personally transitioned, then maybe you are at a loss as to the immense mental strength and courage it takes to do such a thing.  Trust me, even though I am thrilled, it is still very hard; it's not a just a fabulous party where I am stylishly dressed!  Now on top of that, let's add a job that most humans or other teachers don't ever want to do - teaching middle school students.  Can you imagine just attempting to be in charge of thirty or so twelve to fourteen year olds?  Now add in teaching standards, state testing, district expectations, parent expectations, making sure they are fed, clothed, and properly supplied, etc!  There really is too much to list actually.  Wanna come help??   

So, uh, yeah, mental fortitude.  I think I covered that fairly well.  As a result of that effort, I am frequently super duper drained by the end of the day.  Oh, shall we also add in that yes I am still caring for my wife who had foot surgery about 6 weeks ago?  True, I don't need to do much for her personally, however, it does mean that I am now solely in charge of all of the duties of our household.  Vacuuming, laundry, dishes, shopping, recycling, cats, dogs, bathrooms, garbage, weeding, lawn care, picking up dog waste, yard upkeep, etc., etc.!  Normally I am in charge of the outside house duties and she is in charge of the inside house duties.  Well being as she can't put any weight at all on her foot, that means that all duties fall onto my shoulders.  Do you know what I am interested in getting?  A maid and a yard human!  Yup, that would sure come in handy. 

Personally I am amazed that I found the time to even write this little lovely post.  It has actually taken me about three or four days to do so though.  No matter how much I list here, inevitably there are dozens of little duties that I have that will have failed to make that list.  Can we just leave it at, I'm pretty darn overloaded?  I think that shall suffice, for me at least! 

This has translated to me cutting out things that are not essential.  In many ways I am retracting my sticky tentacles and focusing on me, my wife, our household, and my job.  In time things will loosen up and I will find the ability to resume a less stuffed to the gills existence.  For now, it is what it is. 

Love you!

Love yourself!

Love your life!  And if you don't, change something and work your ass off to earn it!

Did She Just Say Transing?

Standing next to my truck I realized what had occurred, I just locked my keys inside.  It was truly an unreal moment and I stood there for a bit absolutely dumbstruck.  This couldn't really be happening could it?  Yes, yes it could, and it was.  I tried pushing some random numbers into my key-less entry system as I never actually bothered to memorize the actual combination.  I knew it was a five digit code, but that was about it.  

Proving to be quite fruitless, I moved on to coaxing my dog into the front seat with the hopes that I could get him to paw at the door lock button.  Yes, Indy was inside the truck.  Luckily this was not a recent event, thus it was not life threatening for my dog to be locked in my truck.  It was an annoying thing for me and a confusing thing for him, but not life threatening for either of us.  It actually happened last December or January while duck hunting with the outside temps in the 40s or 50s.  So no lives threatened.

With some encouragement Indy climbed over the seat and was next to the window with his tongue out, looking at me very anxiously.  I motioned to him to come towards the window.  He did what I asked and actually pawed at the arm rest holding the unlock button, which momentarily thrilled me.  But alas he unfortunately missed it by a few inches, at which point he laid down on the seat and stared at me and would do no more.  

The story of this incident is far more involved.  It has lots of walking and lots of sweating from going back and forth in the marsh.  Finding out that my wife did not have her spare set of keys.  Quite a few moments of pondering just what exactly I was going to do about this situation.  A bit of cursing my lack of awareness.  But the long and the short of it is, I ended up breaking the small slider window in the back window of the truck.  I was able to then crawl in and hit the unlock button.  Yay, Indy was rescued and I had regained access to my truck.  

At the time, I was shocked at how calm I remained through the entire incident.  Estrogen and I had become good friends by this point and all parties involved were quite happy with that fact.  This was where I thought the story would end, but actually it led to something super amusing.

Being a teacher, I often put off things until summer vacation rolls around, and getting the window fixed was on that list.  I had put up some plastic to keep out the water and that was it.  I have lived with it for the past six months or so.  Being as I am now on vacay, I finally took the truck down to a local automotive glass shop to make an appointment.  

Nothing unusual happened at first.  I inquired about the cost, when they could do it, and what it would entail.  It was pretty standard stuff.  Of course I was a bit nervous.  I was wearing (which is always relevant to a trans human's story right?) short shorts, and a tank top.  With that whole estrogen thing occurring as well, my breasts travel where I do.  So, um, yeah, there I was, in a local auto place, dressed as me, and chatting it up like this was just any other normal day.  Because, you know, it was.  

Then it happened, I setup the appointment I wanted and the super nice woman asked for my name.  Of course I stopped for just a brief moment.  It wasn't long, but it was long enough.  I mean how many people have to stop and ponder, yeah just what exactly is my name, that's a damn good question!  Uh, I don't think that many people generally ever pause in the least to stop and consider what their name is.  But I did and that is a bit odd. 

I gave them my male name, Robert.  But then I had to explain myself.  Okay, you are right, I did not have to, but I am wanting to try to do my part to normalize the transgender experience for people.  So I chuckled and explained that for now my legal name is Robert, until Thursday of this week when I am having it changed.  

The receptionist smiled and asked what I am having it changed to.  I smiled and told her, Kelly.  (Yes peeps I know I still blog under Nadine, which I will continue to do, but please know it is simply my nom de plume, hopefully that is understood by now ;) )  She smiled and said, cool well we will go by Kelly then.  I smiled back and said cool thanks.

She continued by saying "well you are transing aren't you?"  Transing?  Did she just ask me if I was transing?  Yes, yes she did just ask if I was transing.  This was one of those moments that took milliseconds in the real world, but lasted for far longer in my mind.  I pondered if I should stop and correct this woman to let her know that she just created a brand new verb?  Do I tell her that many people in the transgender community would see her comments as ignorant and possibly quite offensive?  Or do I simply take pleasure in this woman, in this town, trying her best to be understanding, caring, and accommodating?  

Of course I railed her for her ignorant bullshit in my typical militant transing fashion right?  Ha!  

Um no.  No that is not what I did.  What I did do was to take the time to realize the beauty in the situation.  Here was someone who possibly has not ever encountered a human such as myself, but she was trying her best to care about me.  Some stranger cared enough about me to want to call me what I want to be called.  Who cares if she was not totally clear on the transgender lexicon?  She was a human being trying to treat another being kindly.  

Yeah I get that what she said truly made no sense.  There is no such thing as transing.  The thing is, while I could have corrected her easily enough - by saying, well yes I am transgender, but no, one cannot be transing.  It would be simple right?  Well yeah, but it would also taint the experience.  See, the important thing was that she was trying.  She tried on her own, with no prodding from me.  So, she tries and then I _________ .  Scold her?  Even lightly?  Even, ever so gently?  Or do I excuse the specific phrasing, and hear her intent?  

I heard her intent and it made me smile.  So I answered, yes to her question.  She said, cool, well then we will call you Kelly.  I thanked her while gathering up my things back into my purse.  I reconfirmed the estimate amount and my appointment day and time before heading for the door.  She said, goodbye Kelly when I walked out.  

Myself?  I had the hugest shit-eating grin on my face.  (Side bar - what a weird idiom, shit eating grin, is it just a regional thing?  Is it used outside of California?  And why in the heck does a shit-eating grin refer to a huge smile?  There is absolutely nothing smile inducing about the literal meaning of those words! - sorry, side bar over!)   

It was an event that made me smile for the entire day and I got a kick out of telling my wife throughout the day that I was transing.  Hilarious.  Okay, well to me it is.  I love the English language.  Why?  For its flexibility.  It is so malleable.  It flows with general guidelines and very few definitive rules.  My work subject matter, mathematics, is so opposite of that, full of rules that have very few exceptions.  So at the end of the day who cares that she took an adjective and turned it into a verb, not me.  Not then, and not now.  

What I care about was someone showed me that they care.  A total stranger cares that much about me?  Well that is just totes magotes.  Did ya see what I did there?  English is so absurdly hilarious! 

Love you!

Love yourself!

Love others!

Love transing!  

photo credit:

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Hello_my_name_is_sticker.svg

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Big_smile.png

Artsy Hat - Sharpie Tie Dye

I have been searching for a nice feminine hat and have been disappointed by the available selections.  Sure there are quite a few baseball caps out there that are pretty cute, however I really like to wear wide brim hats.  Remember that whole skin cancer thing I mentioned awhile back?  Well I keep imagining them having to take that kind of slice out of my face and yikes that is some scary shit!  So, yeah, the least I can do is to wear a good hat, right?

For some time I have seen various Sharpie tie-dye projects on the web.  I teach a 3D art class this year and am always on the lookout for cool projects.  This is one I have been wanting to try and this was the perfect opportunity to go for it.

The first step was to practice on something that I didn't care about ruining!  Thus paper towels to the rescue.

The process is pretty basic.  Take your fabric, stretch it over something, or not, and begin drawing.  You draw a small circle of dots with Sharpies (or some other permanent marker.)  Or a large circle.  Or a triangle.  Or anything you want!  It is really pretty simple.  I tried out numerous different things.  It was only paper towel so what did I have to lose?  Nothing!

After I had practiced a bit and had an idea of what I wanted to do, I began working on my hat.  Being as it is such an odd shaped item, and I wanted some sort of consistent look to the blobs, I put it on top of a jar.  I covered the top of the jar with plastic wrap, then placed the hat on top, and stretched a thick rubber band around it all.

I drew what I wanted to, starting with blue.  After I did a bunch of the blue ones in the sort of pattern I wanted it in, I then began working in other colors.  As you can see, I kept one of my test strips nearby to give me inspiration.  I also did some test spots on the white paper I was working on.  This also shows the colors I was working with.  They are the five near the heat gun in the upper right quadrant of the photo.  On the paper I tried out some other colors whose colors did not seem to bleed very well and thus I decided to not use them, like the black for instance.

Once you have stretched your fabric how you want it, and you have drawn your design, you then slowly drip rubbing alcohol from an eye dropper.  I suppose you could use anything to drip the alcohol, but it should be something you can control.  A small amount of alcohol will spread the ink a small amount.  A larger amount and a larger blob will form.  Be cautious though as too much alcohol may not give you the effect that you want.

The other tool that I used was the heat gun.  I would drip the alcohol and then use the heat gun to control how far the drip spread.  By applying some heat you can make the spread slow or stop.  But be careful to not burn your clothes in the process!  The other nice thing about using the heat gun is that it helps to set the color into the fabric.

After I was done coloring the top of the hat, I used the same process for the chin strap.  Overall I think it came out looking pretty cool!  I impressed myself and have enjoyed wearing this hat since I completed it.

Oh one more thing was that I also tossed the hat into the drier after I was finished and ran it for awhile trying to further help set the colors.

Oh as well - be cautious about moving the garment you are dying.  If the spot is not dry, it will smear onto anything it touches.  The strap was really particular about that last part.  Being as it is quite thick it took extra long to dry and the heat gun got super close to singing it.

Hope you give it a whirl!

Seriously, try it out.

Even if on just a piece of paper.

Art is fun.

Art is love!