Gender Non-Conforming - Purse

I love this little Coach purse.  I don't know if I have shown it before on this blog or not.  I like it because it is small but large enough to fit everything that I need.  It also has a nice long strap and I love wearing it with it over my head and across my body.  It is actually my most handy purse.

One of the things I really enjoy doing with it is using it while dressed as a guy and in my normal daily life I really don't notice it much.  But currently I am not experiencing my normal daily life.  I am off on a work related training.  This is something additional to my regular employment that I am involved in but within my same field of employment.  I have different supervisors and bosses but it is also mixed in with some of my regular coworkers.  

The last time I was off on one of these training sessions I found it very convenient to continue using this purse.  But on this training I was working with two male coworkers who I work closely with and are not the most open minded of people.  One of them has in fact said some anti-trans statements before.

Thus it is that I really hesitated when I checked into the hotel room and began to ponder if I should bring along my purse to the before dinner happy hour fun with the guys in the bar.  Standing there in my hotel room I went back and forth in my mind with taking the purse or not taking the purse.

Again, I looked down at my nails, which everyone has already seen and known about for around three years, including the bosses, and my male coworkers.  I looked down at my shoes, which are the new tennis shoes I recently wrote about.  I took a deep breath, shook my head at myself, packed up my purse and headed to the bar.

Upon walking into the bar, my coworkers pointed and laughed at me!  Ha! No, of course that didn't happen.  What did happen was that they smiled and nodded, as men are currently expected to do in greeting each other.  I stood in line, got my complimentary happy hour drink, tipped the bartender and went and sat at the table with my uber-male coworkers.  At which point they abruptly pitch-forked me!  Again, sorry, no.  Nothing happened yet again.  We actually just sat and talked.

So despite my fears, two days in, and many male-purse-adorned moments have occurred and absolutely nothing has happened.  Oh... there was the one incident when I went outside for a short break and another participant and I were talking about shopping and she asked me about favorite store.  When I said White House Black Market, she said, "oh really?"  And I said "yes."  It was very scandalous!

I really would like to make it clear, I am not interested in slowly replacing all of my clothes and items and attempting to live as a woman full time, bit by bit.  All I would really like to do is to understand that I need to allow myself to be me.  And the "real" me exists somewhere outside of the gender binary; somewhere in that space that makes up the spectrum between both the poles of male and female.

In many ways I find it more difficult to show my gender non-conforming behaviors than to fully cross dress.  This is truly me and I am trying my best to allow myself the freedom to show it whenever and wherever.

But it isn't easy.

Nothing worth doing is.

Work hard to love yourself.

Outfit for 6-3-2015 - More New Hair!

Cami - Mossimo - Similar

Sweater - WHBM - Similar

Belt - WHBM - Similar

Skirt - Gaze - Similar

Shoes - New York Transit - Similar

Easily the most prominent thing about this outfit is my new hair!  You may remember awhile back that I mused what it would be like to have several different wigs.  Obviously I decided to go for it!  I have worn black before and out of all of the other colors I have tried, I like it 2nd best; obviously blond is my #1 color.  My standard blond color, believe it or not was just about the same color as my actual hair, back when I could actually grow it out!

It has taken me a bit to get used to it.  Jules keeps asking me if actually like it and my response continues to be "eh."  Wow!  What a response huh?  I actually got the wig in the mail last Friday.  It happened to be the same day that Jules had her surgery.  I was excited to receive it, but the wig sat untested until just yesterday.  At first it kind of seemed as though I was not trying it on because I was caring for Jules, but then it began to feel as though I was avoiding it because I was afraid.

Afraid of new hair?  Yeah, afraid of new hair.  Not so much as the newness of it, as it is the exact same style as the one I just purchased, but the change in color has been flipping me out!  I have worked hard over the years to get a look that I am actually happy with, and I am happy.  But through iterations I could possibly find something even better.  But possibly I am going to experience some things that I won't like along the way.

And thus the fear.  The fear of wanting to try something out, but that moment right before it when you really aren't sure of what the outcome is actually going to be.  Funny, now that I am writing about it, I kind of get the impression that maybe it is that feeling that I like.  So.... hmm..... does that mean that a part of me likes being afraid?  Wow, weird!  I am SO weird!

Okay.... anywho...  I like this outfit.  The skirt is not my standard style, but I got it for like 10 bucks!  I mean who could pass that up at that price, huh?  Um... not me! I also really like the pop of the blue color of my simple Mossimo cami.  Love that color.  

Today I wore this outfit to go get our nails done and go to Costco.  It was great to help Jules get out of the house for bit and enjoy herself.  We are currently hanging on the couch watching TV and she is tired!  Amazing how surgery can make the simplest things tough.

I do like the new wig.  I think maybe it was a bit high on my forehead in these photos.  I know me.  It will take time to get used to it.  And it is going to be a bit odd as I plan to change back and forth between the black and the blond.

Okay!

Love you!

Love yourself!

Love others!

Change your hair color!

Be afraid!

Outfit for 6-1-2015 - Polka Dot Shorts

Top - Patty Boutique

Shorts - H&M - Similar

Shoes - Charles by Charles David - Similar

I so totally love these shorts but I have had a very tough time trying to figure out how to wear them well.  It is so obvious how much my other clothes work to help make me look curvier.  With these shorts it is also SO totally obvious how I don't have any curves at all!  Ahhhhh!!!

Okay, anyway, what I did end up wearing with the super cute shorts is the top from Patty Boutique.  I think that this top works well with these shorts as it is a shorter top and ends very well right wear the waist of my shorts are.  That way it shows off the shorts very well, which is something that I don't normally do.  Also the top is scrunched up at my waist, as it is designed to do, and the bunched up bit of fabric there draws the eye to that spot and helps adds to the illusion of having a bit of curves and a smaller waist.

I also really like this top because of the nice cleavage that it gives me.  I have several tops from Patty Boutique and all three of them are cleavage showing tops.  You order them according to your bra size.  I bought them specifically to help show of my cleavage and they do a nice job.  This top is a bit loose at the bust and it is helped with a bit of double sided tape on top of the bra.  A little clothes trick there for you all!

One thing I am doing in this photo that is not obvious is a light tuck of my male bits.  I really do not prefer to do this as it tends to be a bit more than uncomfortable for me.  Trust me, I know how to do it right, it is just that my bits really do not like doing it.  But that has limited my clothing options and normally while wearing shorts I wear tops that extend almost to the bottom of the shorts.  With such cute polka dot shorts I really wanted to be able to wear a top that showed them off well.  I decided that I would endure a bit of discomfort for my fashion!  It worked out well enough!

Okay.  Love you all.

Wear shorts.

Wear more polka dots!

Love you!

Love yourself!

Internet Tidbits For the Week of 5-30-2015

Hey there friends.  Yesterday was a big day for Jules; she got the metal hardware removed from her leg.  She was in surgery and I was out in the waiting room stressing out!  Her surgeon is fabu, but he sucks at dealing with people!  No people skills what so ever!  Thus I was not informed of anything until a volunteer nurse came and got me and brought me back to her in the recovery room where she was wide awake and the surgery was done.  All went well and now she is recovering.

I am an internet scavenger and thus I thought I would share a few of the tidbits I have found interesting.  Enjoy!

Did you know that you can't actually see the Great Wall of China from space?  Neither did I.  I just believed the myth.  But apparently I was wrong about that, and I variety of other things.  Check out these other popular myths.

Recently I had to update my resume.  I vaguely remembered seeing some cool looking ones on my Tumblr feed.  Here are some neat ones to try out.  BTW, I did not use any of these ideas, i just kind of think they are neat.  The job I applied for and got is pretty boring so I didn't know if they would appreciate the creativity behind these ideas.

Talk about a blast from the past!  I used to play this game on a Commodore computer when I was in elementary school.  Way back then we had a tape player connected to the computer.  We had to type load"minervga.com" on the screen, press play on the cassette player, and then click enter on the keyboard.  Wow, that was OLD SCHOOL!!!  Today you can play it through Dosbox via this link.

Apparently about four years ago scientists discovered differences in the brain scans of transsexuals.  I do remember reading somewhere though that they don't know if these differences cause a person to be transsexual or if by being transsexual it changes their brains.  Interesting info anywho.

I think one of the most fascinating things about existing in the middle of the gender spectrum is in listening to how other discuss gender.  Even folks that know about me and how I self identify frequently exclaim things like "oh males are like this, and females are like this."  Check out this excerpt on male and female brains: "Male and female brains are of course far more similar than they are different. Not only is there generally great overlap in "male" and "female" patterns, but also, the male brain is like nothing in the world so much as a female brain. Neuroscientists can't even tell them apart at the individual level."

I truly believe that success is built upon failures.  If you are not failing enough, odds are that you are not putting yourself out there enough.  Here is a bit of inspiration for you.

Have you seen this site yet?  It is pretty cool.  I really like the photography.

I am SO bummed that this site now appears to be defunct.  What a great concept.  I wonder what happened?  They disappeared into the internet black hole of gone-ness!

Who should be allowed to wear dresses?

Some pretty powerful photos about our perceptions of others.

Love you all!

A Day at the Movies

I suppose it would be foolish to say that I am introducing my wife being as many of you are well acquainted with her already.  She has already written a post for my site and contributed on another.  But here is a fabulous aspect of my wife that you have not been privy to yet, her own personal style!  I am so excited as she has agreed to attempt to become a regular outfit contributor to my site, not just a guest writer!  You may also visit her on her own blog.  So without further ado, please welcome Jules!

Top- Nine West - Similar

Shorts- Merona - Similar

Shoes- Unknown - Similar

Hi all!! Jules Spirit here. I was graciously asked by my wife, Nadine, to be a fashion contributor to her blog. So I figured, what the heck?! It intimated me just thinking about doing it, so I decided, I must do it!

I have just gotten into some fashion in the last several years or so. I have been and am still usually a jeans and tee shirt girl. But as Nadine and I have been going out more and more over the last 10 years, I began to see that I do care, on some level, about fashion.

I wore this outfit to a morning movie outing on a fairly warm day; we saw Pitch Perfect 2, which was fantastic!! ( I guess I am a little biased as I loved the first movie and like musicals.)

This outfit has several things that are a part of my personal style likes: bold colors, zippers, and comfy, cute shoes.

The shirt is from Nine West, but I have no idea where I got it.  I love this color and have since I was probably 12. I have a school picture from that age in which I am wearing a shirt this same color. I think it goes well with my skin and now a days, my red hair. (Yes, I do dye it.) The other thing this shirt has that I often look for in clothing and shoes are zippers. Zipper are my thing! They are kind of edgy yet can be done in a classy way that is not too punk or alternative.

The shorts are Merona, which is a Target brand. I do shop at Target and find that if I look, I can find some cute items there. When I first saw these shorts, they seemed too bright a color for shorts. But needless to say, I took them into the dressing room and after trying them on, had to have them.  I like that I can pair them with another bold color or with a neutral, and they look great every time. I also like that they show off my long legs.

Lastly, the shoes I am wearing are a 2 1/2 inch wedge backless sandal. I have had them for several years and have worn the brand name off the inside of the shoe so I have no idea who made them. They were one of the first pairs of shoes I bought in a brighter color. (They are an ocean blue.) I like these shoes so much because they are girly, fashionable, and comfortable. Since breaking my leg very badly in 2013, I do not wear many high heeled shoes, yet I have worn these many times since then because of how comfortable they are.

I still have a ways to go with finding my own style, yet I am getting there.

What is your style? Do you know? I would say that it is definitely worth looking into.

Thank you so much for reading my first (and hopefully not my last) fashion post here on Unordinary Style.

Hugs!!

Outfit for 5/26/15 - Guess Boots!

Purple Top - WHBM - Similar

Tank - Calvin Klein - Similar

Pants - 7 for All Mankind - Similar

Boots - Guess - Similar

In this outfit I have on several of my favorite items.  The boots are totally one of them.  One of the reasons I like them so much is how tall they are.  But I problem that I often encounter with such tall boots is that they are not very form fitting to my legs near the top.  These boots though have zippers on the back side of them.

Having the zipper up the top of the back makes it so that they snug up closely to my legs, which makes them look SO much better in my opinion. The one thing I don't like about them is that they don't stay up smoothly.  I wish I could find a pair of tall boots that don't scrunch down at all!

I also am wearing my super favorite skinny jeans from 7 for All Mankind.  Possibly they are my favorites because of how much I spent on them.  I think they were like $150!  Which possibly makes them the single most expensive item in my entire wardrobe!  And that wasn't even the retail price of them.  That was the outlet price!  I could not imagine what they sold for at retail!

This outfit was worn when Jules and I went to the movies this past Saturday.  We went and saw the new Avengers flick.  It was an enjoyable show.  The main reason I chose to wear this ensemble on this day was that it was predicted to be in the mid 70s and the super heat will be coming on shortly.  Thus I tried to fit in my jeans and boots before it got to be above 100!

Hope you all are doing well!

Love ya!

Gender Non-Conforming - Shoes

Saucony - Famous Footwear

Today I am more than bit nervous.  Why?  Well because I am at work with female shoes on.  The shoes that I have pictured above are the ones that I am currently wearing.

Saucony - Similar

And aren't they totally different from the male shoes that I normally wear, which are the ones pictured above?  OMG, they are so totally different!  I mean, can you see the pink splash of the Saucony symbol across the side of the female shoes?  I mean if anybody were to see that I would surely be pitchforked, right?

Well, I decided to call BS on myself yesterday and buy the shoes regardless of what my inner meanie voices were saying.  I had gone to Famous Footwear here in my town while on a break from work with the specific intent on buying some female shoes that I felt as though I could wear to work.  This is something I have been doing a bit more of lately.

Converse - High Top

Converse - Low Top - Similar

Here are some shoes that I have been wearing to work.  They are female, and I have never gotten anything but nice positive comments about them.  I work with a couple of people who really like Converse and they were sure to tell me how much they liked the ones I wear.  Super nice!

But I have been down to one pair of tennis shoes, male ones, and I think it is better to have more than one pair of tennis shoes, otherwise they wear out so quickly.  Thus I decided to try and find some female ones.  And in Famous Footwear, I found some, the ones pictured at the top.  But after trying them on and experiencing the fabulous fit, I decided that they were much too fem looking for me to be able to comfortably wear them while dressed as a male.  And I left them sitting on the bench and walked out of the store.

As I was walking back to my truck, I looked down at my fingernails.

And there I was.  Contemplating my own messed up voices.  So, my super obvious female styled nails are fine, but shoes with a bit of pink on them, yeah, that's not okay.  My two pairs of female Converse, yeah those are fine and I wear them all the time, but shoes with a little bit of pink on them, not okay.  Wow!  I am messed in the head!

I returned to work and pondered my twisted up perceptions.  For the next few hours I questioned myself and returned again and again to the question of, if I am okay with myself, then why not buy the shoes?  What is the worst that would happen?  Someone might ask me about my new shoes with some pink on them.  I was all twisted up about a color.  A color that apparently I had deemed as not appropriate for a guy to wear.  Even a guy with his nails painted.  Even a guy who has both of his ears pierced.  Even a guy who wears a diamond and sapphire wedding ring.  Wow, seriously?

So I called BS on myself and I went and bought the shoes.  And today I have them on my feet and I am at work!  Wow, small victories huh?  Yeah well I have not made it through the day yet.  Who knows maybe I will still be pitchforked at some point!

Okay.  Sounds great.  Then how come I am still unwilling to wear my pair of super hot pink Saucony tennis shoes to work?

Saucony - Similar

Wow, is it too much for me?  Do I not want to wear this pair of super female shoes while dressed as a guy?  Or do I think they violate the guy dress code far too much?  Hmm??????  Just when I think I have myself figured out I find yet another area that I can't quite figure out.

I like to think of these things as an unsolved Rubic's Cube.  I pick it up, twist it about.  Try out different combinations.  I can't quite figure it out, so I set it down and let it sit while I observe it from a distance.  Occasionally I will go over, pick it up, twist it around, ponder it, and then set it down again.

I don't think there is a solution to the puzzle, just different combinations.

Hmm.....

Hot pink.....

Guy dress code violations......

Hmm.......

Painted fingernails, totally fine......

Hmm........

Just when I think I have it figured out......

Love you!

Wear more pink!