Recently I upgraded my phone. I had a Galaxy S3, that was a couple of years old and thus decided to go for a new Galaxy S3. I really like the phone. I hate the way that cell carriers decided to change their pricing for phones. I never had any problem with signing a two year contract and getting a new phone. I am not one who needs a new phone each time one comes out. And besides, I have to stick with my cell company, contract or not, as it is the only service I receive at my house!
Anywho.... with a new phone, comes a new case. Well, this time I decided to actually get a case. While I like my phone it is large, and does not fit into my pockets; especially being as I have taken to wearing girl jeans pretty much all of the time. Those darn tiny pockets!! Ugh!!
Jules and I went to the mall and searched the center kiosks for phone cases. I had seen ones like the style pictured above and thought that it would be pretty convenient and so I narrowed my search down to that style.
And then came the big decision....... what color should I choose???? Of course I was drawn to all of the "wrong" (think female) colors. I wanted this one, but I just wasn't sure how it would be perceived by others if I got this one.
Could you imagine? I wear female jewelry, both ears are pierced, I wear female clothing, carry a female Coach wallet, and have my nails painted in obvious female styles, and still what am I worried about? If a pinkish/red phone case is going to make people think things of me.
Damn! I'm certifiably crazy.
And still...... I was nervous about buying it. And since having it, I have been nervous to show it around certain people. I really wish I could just do me without worry.
Its like with every new thing I have to prove to MYSELF that it is OKAY to do it. It never is what anybody else thinks of me. These are MY thoughts, MY worries, MY lack of acceptance of MYSELF. And I try and brush it off onto Joe public.
So.... while I do stress about this stuff, I still go ahead and do it. And Joe public? They prove what they always prove..... they don't give a shit about what I am doing.
It is only me.
I want to love myself better.
Love it! And I'm so glad that you're working on accepting yourself!
ReplyDeleteI went through this when I started bringing a purse to work. It took forever, but I finally found one that very nearly passes, but subtly fails, as a man bag. I was worried, but I went ahead and acted like nothing was out of the ordinary.
I got a few double-takes, but that was it! Really, people don't care. Or they do, and they're just too polite to stare.
Kelly
Thanks Kelly!
DeleteI will occasionally carry a purse at work related events, but not actually to work. I've thought about it, but haven't yet had a need to have my purse at my job. Good for you for going for it!
Nadine
If if can be presumptuous, may I suggest your read "No! Maybe! Yes! Living My Truth" by Grace Stevens. While Grace discusses her transition, it is much. much more than a transition story and more about living authentically which you do but ...
ReplyDelete