Hunting with Boobs

About a week ago I tried something that I have never done, I wore a bra and a set of the small boobs out while hunting.  And what was the result?  I had the best shoot average I think I have ever had.  I was super amazed.  I mean I have gone out shooting before while wearing boobs.  You may or may not have seen the post that the above picture was from.  But going out hunting to the duck field while wearing boobs?  Nope I had yet to ever do that.

There are a myriad of things that could go wrong with wearing boobs out to the duck field.  The first of which is that I could be spotted as having breasts.  I wasn't dressed as a woman, I had my standard male hunting gear on.  Besides my face also had quite a bit of beard growth on it and being on vacation I have not bothered to shave in a while.  So there's that!  Another thing is that, really what is the point?  Why would I possibly want to wear boobs while out hunting?  What could the be the possible benefit?

Well, with that last one, the benefit could be better shooting.  Better shooting?  Yes, better shooting?  How in the world could boobs help to make me shoot better?  Well, one of the main things about wing shooting is properly shouldering your gun.  One might think that is a pretty simple affair.  Put your gun to your shoulder, and shoot.  Ha!  I wish it were that simple.  Shooting happens to be one of the hardest things I have ever done.  Anywho, one of the best ways to shoulder your gun, is to begin by putting the gun but away from you while you bring it up and have it touch your cheek.  You then pull it back to have it seat against your shoulder.  If you do it right, then every time it is in the right position.

How often do I do it right?  Possibly about half of the time.  The other half my gun is sitting on my upper arm, or half way across my chest.  This results in a missed shot, and a possible bruise!  Anywho, while shooting with boobs, they are far bigger than my standard chest equipment.  This makes it so that I do that first part, of putting the gun out away from me, much more often.  If I don't do it, it bonks my boobs!

Thus, it actually helps me to shoulder my gun better!  And the result was that I shot much better than normal!  Yay!  I really thought that I may have found out what my difficulties with shooting have always been, missing boobs!

The only problem with my theory is that I have been out hunting twice with boobs since that first time and I totally sucked!  I mean sucked bad!  It was some of the worst shooting I have ever done!  So much for that theory!

Okay, just a silly little post today.  Oh, and yeah, nobody has said anything about my boobs while hunting.  Either everybody is super polite, or nobody noticed under all of my super fluffy hunting gear.  Oh and I totally know that I have not been posting much lately.  I am technically on vacay right now!  Yay again!  I say technically because while on vacay I am involved with remodeling portions of my house.  Currently I am stuck sanding and filling the ceiling.  Super fun!  So.... I work on the house and twice a week I go hunting.  I am pretty darn tired!

I hope everyone has been enjoying the holiday season!

Love you!

Love yourselves!

Funny Shopping Experience

The other day I had a bit of time to kill so what better to do than a little bit of shopping!  I first went into Famous Footwear to check out their Converse selection.  That is something I do quite frequently as they tend to change up their selection quite often.  And the really cool Converser sell out quickly so you need to be on top of it!

Afterwards I went into the Marshalls next door.  Lately I have been really into wearing bralettes pretty much full time.  They are pretty comfy and have a very small amount of padding in them.  Thus while they show a little bit, they don't show too much for me to feel too self conscious while at work.  Anywho..... Marshalls will often have a nice selection of them at pretty cheap prices. I found a few that were cool and I grabbed them and headed up to the checkout lanes.  Along the way, a candle caught my eye and a tough to destroy puppy toy as well.  While waiting in the line I was eyeing the various cashiers and I noticed one who appeared to be transgender.

It is often difficult to accurately assess someone who identifies as transgender, but I am pretty sure this person was.  As best as I could tell, this was someone who was born female, but was clearly presenting very much similar as I was, except in the opposite direction.  I thought to myself, I hope that I get them as my cashier.

When it was my turn for a cashier, I got called to this person.  I was wearing, female jeans, shoes, top, and a lightly padded bralette, but otherwise presenting as male.  No makeup, shaved head, a bit of scruff on the cheeks.  The cashier had a super short hairstyle, which in and of itself is not enough for me to assume transgender.  But they also were wearing men's clothing, and had on men's jewelry.  They also carried themselves in a very masculine manner.  The other thing was that while they were ringing up my purchases, we gave each other a knowing look and a few wry smiles.

It was quite amusing and I chuckled to myself as I walked out of the store.


No, we didn't sit there and gab with each other about our gender variances like a couple of old pals.  We just sort of silently acknowledged each other and respected each other in the standard roles we were playing: customer and cashier.

Some people tell me that these people don't exist.  In my experience I see far more FtM than MtF transgender people.  No, you can't just assume transgender status from simply wearing jeans instead of dresses.  But if you look close enough, there are many, many people who were born female and clearly present as male.  Fully male.  Not just eschewing fashion, but actively trying to appear as masculine as I try to appear feminine.  Funny.

Okay, that is all.

Love you.  Love each other!  Love yourself!  Love the wide variety that is the human species!

Photo Credits:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:SF_gender_symbols.png
https://pixabay.com/en/women-men-people-human-gender-149577/

What's in a Name?

Brook, Bobbi, Nadine.  So far those are the iterations of names that I have gone through and I think I am getting ready to go through another.  I am mentally amping myself up to begin going with Kelly as my new nom de plume.  Well, actually what I have been contemplating is adding a middle name to my current name.  So..... my current name is Nadine Spirit, but you already know that right?  Okay, well there is no middle name included there.  Thus my full name is going to be Nadine Kelly Spirit.

Cool?  Well, possibly.  But actually it can be a bit annoying to me.  Annoying you ask?  Well yeah.  One might think that it is awesome to get to choose your own name.  Yeah, I kind of thought that as well, before I actually did it.  The first name I chose because I liked it.  Duh!  But after awhile I didn't.  I kept picturing a ditzy blond, and I didn't like thinking of myself that way.  Not that people with that name are all ditzy blonds, it just happened that is the image my brain came up with and I didn't really like it.  Bobbi, I never liked.  I thought I would try it out and it lasted for maybe a month or so, maybe even less.  It is something I was called as a young child as it is a derivation of my actual name.  I thought I'd really like it, and actually I hated it.  Viciously.

Hmm.  After those two failed attempts, I went with Nadine.  I have no idea why I chose it.  I think I just kind of liked it.  Possibly because I couldn't think of anyone I knew with that name.  Possibly because of its meaning.  Possibly because it just popped in my head and I thought it was nice.  Who knows why I chose it!  I certainly don't!  Anywho...... I was totally fine with it for years.  I think I have gone with it for at least 7-10 years now.

But I have encountered a problem with it.  And that problem is beginning to come out to people.  Why is that a problem you ask?  Well because I have noticed that being as it is a bit of an unusual name often people have a difficult time with it.  Maybe it is because I am saying it strangely.  Maybe it just doesn't roll of my tongue the way that it should.  Maybe it is because people don't hear it very often.  Maybe it is because it is a difficult name?  Who knows!  I do know that many people struggle with it.  I have had some sales associates just straight up not be able to understand what my name is.  And that is weird.

More importantly, now that I am coming out to more and more people in my regular life, outside of this fine online world, I feel weird saying "Nadine" to people.  I am not quite sure what it is.  Possibly it is that I get a look from people that says, "you sure don't seem like a Nadine to me."  Nobody has ever said that, but I kind of feel it from people.  Almost as if their looks say "hey, if you're going to make up a name for yourself, couldn't you just go with something more mainstream, and not something that sounds like you should be some gorgeous South Pacific Islander or something?"

Okay, so maybe they are not thinking anything like that at all.  But, still, I have become reluctant to state my name to people and I don't like that.  I have started to become more aware of it lately and last week while wine tasting I was VERY aware of it when the crowd of early 20's ladies asked my name.  I felt super self- conscious about it.  After that, I decided, that in real life, I have to change my name.

In the past when I changed my name, it was pretty easy.  I decided to do it, and then told my wife.  And that was it.  Being as she and I were the only ones who knew about me and my gender variance, it made it pretty easy.  But now?  Now that I have told many people in real life and as well, that I have worked hard for about 7 or 8 years to develop my online brand under the name of Nadine Spirit?  How does one go about changing all of that?

The answer is, I'm not.  Online I will still use Nadine, but in real life I am going to begin using Kelly.  I will tell people I know in real life to use Kelly.  Any of you wondrous folk here in the blogosphere can use either one that you would prefer, Nadine or Kelly.  And if you know me in both locations?  Yeah, it doesn't really matter to me.  Use whichever one makes you happy!

So um, yeah!  There you go!

Love you!

Love yourself!

I kind of wish someone else would have just named me with a female name when I came out of the womb.  Maybe that is what everyone should have, both a male and female name given to them by their parents.  That way once everyone starts to self-identify their gender, they can go with either of their given names.  Hey maybe that is why we have a first name and a middle name???  But one should just be male and the other female.  Hey, this could work!

Love ya!


Photo Credits:
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File%3AName.jpg
https://www.flickr.com/photos/vblibrary/6517132943
https://www.flickr.com/photos/jackdorsey/170257936

What A Weekend

My Wine Tasting Outfit

My wife, Jules, really wanted me to write a post for you all.  I told her that I didn't really think that it would make all that much of a difference in the world being as those that know this, know it, and those that don't will find some reason to doubt it.  But I'm getting ahead of myself aren't I?  Yup, I have a tendency to do that on occasion.  Hmm.......

This past weekend my wife and I travelled to the coast for a bit of wine tasting.  It was her birthday this past Sunday and it was her choice on what we were going to do, and she chose wine tasting, so off we went!

On Saturday we woke up, got ready, and were out by about 10:30 or so.  A little bit late, but that turned out to be a good thing as by the time we rolled in Denny's for a super carbo loading breakfast, we were able to be seated right away.  We casually chatted, and ate our food before heading off to our first winery.

I totally forget the name of the place, but it was just okay wine.  They are probably happy I forgot the name of their place considering I am giving such a raving review!  Ha!  Anywho, we stopped to get gas before going to the second location.  We were travelling in the Santa Maria area, which is nice for wine tasting as they are so spread out you really have to drive some good distances between each place.  As well, for all of you nit pickers out there, Jules and I share tastes, drink lots of water, and eat lots of food.  We are well versed in what it takes to wine taste safely.  So, um, yeah!

Anywho.... after gas, we were off to the second location.  We tasted a few, poured out much of them, icky!  Then back into the car, driving through the oak tree studded rolling hills.  The area is just starting to turn green and it is so super pretty!  We drove on through the area, pulling into Los Olivos, a small wine tasting town.  But it was way over crowded.  I pulled up the local Indian casino on the GPS and off we went for a little gambling fun.

The casino was boring.  Nothing fun, but it killed a bit of time.  I lost a grand total of about 50 dollars, while Jules lost about 20.  So, for an hour of fun, it didn't cost us that much.  Back into the car we went, stopping at a couple more wineries before we were back at the hotel room.  We freshened up and then went out to sushi for dinner.  Jules really likes sushi, me not so much.  But I love my wife, so.... I ate sushi!  Hmmm...... yum!  I guess!

Okay, so there was the thrilling day.  So why did Jules want me to write about it here?  Because it was a totally normal day!  Absolutely nothing weird happened.  And I was dressed fully as a woman for the entire day.

So then why did I say that nobody would be swayed by this totally normal day of mine?

1 - I interacted with people who I was buying things from, thus they needed to act professionally.
2 - I pass so awesomely amazingly that nobody would ever suspect that I am anything but a natal born female.
3 - The only reason nobody bothers me is that I live in the ultra liberal state of Kalifornia.
4 - I have a perfect wing-woman in my wife.

Now, what about that above list is wrong?  Hmmm...... prettymuch all of it.

Taking those points out of order:
3 - California is not quite as liberal as much of the rest of the union would make it out to be.  Most of the liberal attitudes come from our big cities, San Francisco, Los Angeles, San Diego and their surrounding metro areas.  Myself, I live in California's bible belt, the central valley, where it is actually super farmer right wing, gun toting, Trump loving, conservatives.  Now what do I have going for me in this area?  Most people keep to themselves.  That is about it.

4 - Yes my wife is a great wing woman, but often she and I are not together.  As well, I don't require her to be by my side holding my hand while we go to the potty together.  Sure we are together, but we are also apart often enough.

2 - Nope, sorry folks.  I may have figured out how to take a decent picture of myself while dressed as a woman.  And as well, I do concede that I pass the glance test.  Meaning, I pass well enough that with a few seconds of a glance, most people probably take me as a woman.  But in actually interacting with me, with pouring me wine to drink, with standing next to me in a tasting room, yeah, nope, no way, now how, never do I pass as a genetic woman, even to totally drunk people.

1 - This is the part that I think is interesting.  Yes I did interact with many people who had something to sell me.  But that is not all.  Take all of the other patrons in the wine tasting rooms.  Like the couple with the young kid who laughed at all of my jokes that I was making.  They had nothing to gain by being pleasant with me, and all of them were.  Even the group of young kids celebrating their friend's 22nd birthday.  That was a fun crowd who came up and spoke with my wife for much of the time we were there.  Men and women, mostly quite drunk actually.  And all of them were super friendly.  What about all of the people in the casino?  That place was packed.  And how many pointing fingers did I get?  Yeah, that's right, none.

Okay, well, that about sums it all up.  Nothing all that thrilling to report.  Except for me being able to be me, and society yet again being totally fine with it.  Just another totally normal weekend out wine tasting with my wife.

Don't believe that it can happen?  Well, meet up with me sometime and we'll go out together!  Sound like fun?  Contact me and we'll make it happen.  Now I must warn you though, I am not into going out with fetish dressers.  So if that is your thing, well then, don't contact me!  Ha!  But if you're up for a totally normal day hanging out, wine tasting, or shopping, email me!

Love you!

Love yourself!

Love others!

Finally Feels Like Fall

Coat - Guess - Similar

Top - White House Black Market - Similar

Leggings - Connection18 - Similar

Booties - Madden Girl - Similar

Belt - ?? - Similar

This past weekend we finally got some cold weather into the part of California that I live in!  Yay!  It was so wonderful finally feeling cold again!  For a transgender individual such as myself, cold weather is such a wonderful blessing!  Seriously it is.  Besides the awesomeness of having many layers of clothes on that help disguise my obvious male figure, wearing a wig during even warm days can be so darn uncomfortable.

I so wish that I could still grow out my own hair.  Boo-hiss for balding!  Ugh!  I remember growing up and hoping with all of my mite that I would never end up going bald.  But alas, genetics are an inescapable bitch!  Okay, well maybe if I had started finasteride and rogaine treatments back in my early thirties, or maybe even late teens, then maybe I could have warded off the evil balding genes for at least a while!

Have I ever told you that my natural hair would actually get to be about the same color as the wigs I currently wear?  Well it was!  I am actually a brunette, but apparently it is not to firm of a brunette color as with just a bit of swimming and sunning, my hair bleaches out to a nice blond, again, very similar to my blond wigs.  So pretty much the only difference between my old natural hair and my wigs is the fullness of my wigs.  I would say that my hair looked as though maybe I only had about half of the hairs of my wigs.

So uh yeah.  Thrilling insights into my hair, right?  I think sometimes I like the partially frivolous nature of my blog as all too frequently I torment myself with way too serious thoughts.  Yup, on occasion those thoughts appear here as well, but I still like to think of my blog as a light hearted fashion blog with a light sprinkling of seriousness.  Ha!  I just made myself laugh.

Love you!

Love yourself!

Love the lighter side of life!

Pleated Skirt

Skirt - White House Black Market - Similar

Top - White House Black Market - Similar

Shoes - Madden Girl - Similar

Belt - ???? - Similar

Bangles - Torrid

I absolutely love this skirt!  I have probably written about it before, but I will say it again, and most likely again in the future as well, I LOVE this skirt!  It is so much fun to wear!  It is pleated all the way around and is made of such smooth silky material that I love the way it moves while walking around in it.  It feels like I am wearing a cloud!  What exactly does it feel like to be wearing a cloud?  Okay, well I really don't know what that would feel like, but I would imagine that it would be all light and fluffy and swishy! Just like this skirt is!

The thing I don't really like about it though is that it doesn't do much at all to give me a bit more shape.  But you know, I am a bit over that.  I used to be very concerned that I had all the right curves in all the right places; so that I looked more like a woman.  But ya know, not every woman has all of the right curves in all of the right places.  Sometimes they have a few extra curves in places they would prefer not to and sometimes they don't have any curves in places they would prefer to have them.  Such is life huh?  And such is my body.  I may have been born with a bit of a male body, but that is not going to stop me from enjoying fun clothing!  And this skirt is super fun!

Really, when I am walking around in this skirt I just get this big old shit eating grin on my face, like I am a super happy little clam!  (What is up with that saying?  Like clams are super happy or something?  Why?  Why would they be happy?  What is up with their lives?  Maybe I should investigate what it would be like to live as a clam.  Oh wait, that's right, I'm not trans-species, just transgender.  Hmm tangent much????)

Okay.  Well that is about it folks.  I hope that things are going well in your lives.  My last post seemed to be a bit of a thought provoker for many of you.  I will return to it again in the future as many of your thoughts got me thinking in a variety of directions!

Love you!

Love yourselves!

Love Happy Clams!

(Hmm..... maybe a happy clam is not a clam at all but a euphemism.  Hmmm.... okay now my mind is FULLY in the gutter! Ha!)

Numbers - The Truth of Partner's Acceptance

Have I ever mentioned before that I really like numbers?  There are all sorts of fascinating things that happen with numbers that are often overlooked.  For instance, I often go to various events where you buy raffle tickets, but them into various buckets, and then cross your fingers that your name will be called.  These events are truly very random drawings and yet, often the draws do not seem very random.  Some people tend to get their names drawn more than others.  It just happens to be the nature of apparent randomness.  Just like my phone, I will put the music on random play and frequently the same song comes up again and again.  Random?  Well yeah, but it sure doesn't seem to be a very good random!

Anywho..... some of the numbers I have been looking at lately are the true numbers of acceptance of spouses of transgender people.  Within my research I have been looking at numbers of MtF transgender people who are not transitioning, that have told their spouse or girlfriend of their gender variance.  The common theory states that it is very rare for a genetic woman to be accepting of a gender variant male to female significant other.  My own theory is that is actually simply based upon fear and not a true reflection of reality.

Many gender variant people spend a large amount of their lives in hiding.  They fear what might happen if they are honest with those around them.  And why shouldn't they be fearful?  They dominant narrative states that there exists an overwhelming threat to the transgender community from a large variety of sources.  From being attacked on the street, to being harassed in the bathroom, to being fired from your job, to being shunned from any sort of companionship.

But, unfortunately from what I can tell, many gender variant people are not actually willing to risk attempting these actions to discover for themselves whether the narrative will pan out that way for them or not.  Now don't get me wrong.  I understand that bad things happen.  Bad things happen all of the times.  For no reason.  To good people.  And they shouldn't happen.  But such is the nature of life.  It is unpredictable.

Alas, I fear I have drifted off topic yet again!  Low is me!  Okay, focus here.

The focus of my personal study has been trying to decode true numbers of reactions of the reveal of being gender variant within relationships.  My study group has been the users at crossdressers.com.  My method has been to simply comb through the various threads and categorizing people and their partner's response to them being gender variant of some sort.  It has not always been clear but I have tried my best to determine what happened within their relationship once they told their partner.

Some early results??

Of the 458 members I have included:

363 did not leave the relationship upon the reveal
280 are at least somewhat accepting
29 are in what is called a Don't Ask Don't Tell situation
45 didn't leave but are not accepting of the partner's gender variance
23 are accepting genetic women
74 are partners who left because of the gender variance
20 left but not because of the gender variance

Okay - a proviso with these numbers, some members reported their responses from several different partners over the years, thus the numbers may not total as one might expect.  This explains why their are variations within the totals.

So some percentages huh?

84% of partners did not leave the relationship upon the reveal
74% percent of the partners are at least somewhat accepting of the gender variance, which could range from DADT to full inclusion and acceptance
68% would be considered to be openly accepting of their partner's gender variance

These results are what I have up to this point.  I will continue to compile the numbers.  There is about 10-15 years worth of data on that website and so far I have gone back about two months only!  I don't really know how long I will continue to do this for.  We shall see.

But so far, I would have to say that the common assertion that a partner will NOT accept a gender variant partner is completely wrong.  Apparently far more partners DO accept their gender variant partner.  Who knew?  Well I personally had a suspicion.

Interesting.

Love you!

Love numbers!

BTW - This data was all taken from publicly accessible areas of the website.  Anyone can find this information if they so choose.

Here is the raw data, if you are really interested:

Love This Shoe!! - Boo-Hoo For Me!!

CONVERSE X PATBO CHUCK TAYLOR ALL STAR HIGH TOP

I will freely admit, I do not have official permission to use this image!  I know, right! Image thief!  Well does it help that I am advertising the Converse brand?  Probably not.  I am totally in love with this shoe though.  I have taken to recently wearing Converse shoes to work almost everyday.  None of them are quite this feminine though.  Well maybe a couple of them, but not quite this pretty!  I really like that they have actual embroidery on them.  Often with Converse they will have painted on images that resemble embroidery, but they don't have actual embroidery on them.  This pair though, has really embroidery done on them.  So why am I SO bummed?  Well they no longer have them in my size!!

Boo-Hoo for me!!  Um.... I am majorly bumming!  So, if anyone knows where to buy these in a ladies size 10, then let me know!  I will be eternally grateful!

Speaking of Boo-Hoo, reader Clare wrote in and asked:

Off topic...thoughts on dressing en femme (to work) on Halloween?

To which I will say that I have never done that.  I have considered it, but I yet to actually do it.  And I am kind of mixed on my thoughts on doing it ever.  On the one hand, I am interested in going to work fully dressed as a woman, but at the same time, I am kind of not interested in that.  As well, I don't really like the idea of dressing as a woman for Halloween.  Halloween for me is a time to dress specifically in a costume.  Thus if I were to dress as a woman for Halloween, does that mean that I am presenting myself dressed as a woman, as a costume?  I kind of don't like that idea.  I don't like the idea of me dressed a woman being a costume.

I totally get though why so many other MtF transgender people do dress as a woman though on Halloween.  They see it as the one time of the year when they can get out dressed as they please, and no one is going to think they are a freak.  I totally get that there is some sort of assumed safety of dressing however on Halloween.

But it is not for me.  Well, I could see dressing as a woman, but then being in an actual costume.  Like I did for this photo:

Other than that though..... I don't think I will ever just dress as a woman, and then go to work for Halloween.  Now just dressing as a woman and going to work on any random day.... hmm..... possibly!

Love you!

Love yourself!

Love Cute Converse with Embroidery!!

Image:
http://store.nike.com/us/en_us/pd/converse-x-patbo-chuck-taylor-all-star-high-top-womens-shoe/pid-11340121/pgid-11627209?cp=usns_pdsoc_nike_103016_mln_fbk_wmn_xct_rtgng_dpa_x_x_x&k_clickid=ef9608fa-3ce9-4f36-810f-501dca9add50  

Medical Community Ignorance

Some here may remember in a past post I wrote about being prescribed some medication for my enlarged prostate.  Specifically that drug is called Tamsulosin.  While I have the drug sitting at home, I have yet to try it.  I am a bit concerned about the common side effect of dizziness that people are reporting.  I am an avid duck hunter and I don't need any dizziness while out shooting a shotgun standing in a muddy marsh!!  Ha!

Anywho.... I went to my GP today to follow up on all of my urologist appointments.  I was discussing this drug with the nurse practitioner that I see.  (Which by the way I find a bit odd.  I go to see a doctor and instead they have me see an advanced nurse. Whatever! At least I get to see someone huh?)  I mentioned to her my concerns about taking this drug and I asked about a different one, Finasteride.

I've done a bit of research and found that Finasteride can help with male pattern balding as well as an enlarged prostate.  I found those two uses to be interesting to me for sure!  And low and behold, what did I also see, that it is an anti-androgyne!!  Occasionally it can have the side effect of breast growth!  Umm..... did someone say breast growth!  Yes, breast growth!

While reviewing the medication I suggested the nurse mentioned to me that an occasional side effect is "tissue growth in the chest area."  I told her straight up that I am transgender and some breast growth would not be unwanted.  She finished investigating Finasteride and went and spoke with the actual doctor in the office and came back to my room.  Her recommendation was to stick with the first drug and if I had problems with it, they will then later prescribe Finasteride.

She then said, well in regards to your transgender status.... And I was thinking, yes, what will your question be?  Are you going to ask me if I am interested in transitioning?  Are you going to ask if I am "just" a cross dresser?  Are you going to ask if I really want Finasteride to help me to become more feminine in my appearance?  What, what are you going to ask?

What did she ask?  "Are you monogamous?"  Am I monogamous?  Am I fucking monogamous?  She must have seen the look of disbelief on my face and I was not prepared to give her an appropriate answer, as in "oh by the way, one's gender status says nothing about their sexual habits." So she says, well we just need to make sure that we handle your health needs appropriately if you are not being monogamous, as well as your wife's needs.  So.... I simply told her, yes I am monogamous.

The appointment finished, I got my flu shot, and I was done for the day.  Upon leaving and having some reflection time, I think it is appropriate that the very next time I am there, I need to inform her to be a bit more sensitive and informed of transgender issues and that she needs to stop connecting one's gender status to their sex life.  I really should have told her this when she asked me the question, but honestly her question came out of left field and took me quite by surprise.  I have not been so open about my gender status and I am just learning what people's responses could be.  So now I know.  Soon she will know too!!

Love you!

Love yourself!

Educate the public!!

Oh, I totally forgot!!!  I had my latest post published over at Already Pretty.  You should go check it out as I really like the article I wrote!!


photo credit:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/42186300@N07/3987691850
https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=47338529

Skinny Jeans & Cheetah Heels

Top - White House Black Market - Similar

Jeans - 7 For All Mankind(Slim Cigarette)

Shoes - Kelly and Katie - Similar

This was a funny evening outfit for me.  We had a really full weekend with all sorts of things to get done, but I wanted to go out to dinner.  I spent the morning working furiously on all of my various jobs around the house and decided to get ready around two in the afternoon.  After I got out of the shower I asked Jules what she was thinking about wearing, she said a dress, and asked me what I was wearing.  This is the funny part, normally it is me in a dress and Jules in jeans, but this time I told Jules that I wanted to wear jeans.  Funny.  Hmm... well okay, maybe it does not come across as funny online as it was to me in real life.  Ha!

Anywho.... Jules asked what was up with me wanting to wear jeans.  I told her that it had to do with where we were going to go for dinner, Cattlemens.  It is a local steakhouse and I had gotten a coupon to use during this month as it is my birthday month.  Cattlemens happens to be kind of a down-home restaurant with good ole boys hanging out at the bar in their jeans, cowboy boots, and spurs on.  Well maybe not the spurs, but it is kind of western populated place.  Thus I thought that jeans would be much more appropriate to the venue.  Jules thought about it, and it was jeans for the both of us!

Off we went to Cattlemens.  While there, and stuffing ourselves silly with the endless salad and bread basket, in addition to our sumptuous steak and filling potatoes, I decided that they should change the name of the restaurant to "stuff-yourselves."  We eventually rolled ourselves out, went home and vegged out on the couch watching stupid TV for the rest of the night as we slowly digested our mega meal!

Love you!

Love yourself!

Love eating beef!

Black & White Tunic

Tunic - White House Black Market - Similar

Jeans - Levi - Denizen 

Belt - ???? - Similar

Shoes - Flojo - Similar

I can never remember who makes the belt that I own!!  I always feel bad when I take these photos and I can name the manufacturer of everything that I am wearing except for my belts!  It is a bit funny.  I used to be an obsessive tag remover, but for the last few years I have stopped.  I have this vague notion that maybe when I tire of the clothes that I have, maybe I will go to a 2nd hand store and try and resell them.  But, if they have no tags, then they generally aren't interested.  With belts though, there are no tags to remove.  Once I clip the price tag off, the manufacturers name goes with it.  Hmm.... maybe this should be a shout-out to belt makers, put your name on them in some hidden, non-removable way!  Ha!  Maybe I'm just bonkers!

I wore this outfit while Jules and I went and got our nails done before heading off to Sparkle this past weekend.  Yeah, I am terribly behind on my outfit posts.  I'll tell ya, I am just so darn overwhelmed lately I can barely keep up with everything that I actually want to get done.  I know, I frequently complain here about a vast lack of time, but it is SO true!!  I suppose I just keep myself super busy to ward off the evil voices in my head, and a second, HA!!

Anywho.... Have I mentioned to you before how nice it is to wear blue jeans to get my toes done?  No?  Well, I love it.  Why?  Well often when I get my toes done I wear a skirt.  Then they very politely, and appropriately give me a little towel to wear over my knees.  It works, but it isn't very comfortable.  But a nice pair of stretchy jeans that I can just pull up, ahh, super comfortable.  It wouldn't seem like it, but it is.  Well to me at least, and a third, HA!

Okay.  That is about it for this lovely Friday folks!  This weekend, I need to go fit in, fixing up my duck decoys, shooting practice, continuing to remodel my kitchen, hopefully dress up nice and cute and go out for a steak dinner, oh and work on all of my other side projects, oh and clean my garage, oh and re-stuff insulation into my ceiling.......... oh and yeah I've got to finish my article for Already Pretty....... aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh............... I think I'm going to POP!!!

Love you!

Love yourself!

Stay Busy!!  

Dancing Queens!

Jules and I dressed and ready to go attend our first Sparkle event.  If you don't know, Sparkle is a TG ball put on by the River City Gems of Sacramento.  I was a little bit unsure of how the evening was going to go.  Generally speaking, while I have nothing against TG events, I do not attend them.  I am more of an everyday transgender person.  Meaning, I tend to get dressed up and go to everyday places, like the movies, a museum, shopping, Costco, etc.

Oftentimes, from what I have heard, TG events attract folk who don't get everyday opportunities to dress however they would like.  So... hanging out in a hotel conference room, void of windows, with a bunch of people I don't really know, is not always something that piques my interest.  But this year, a friend contacted me and asked if Jules and I would go.  I checked the calendar, and being as it was open, Jules and I decided to be adventurous and head on up to Sacramento for the weekend.

So.... how was it???  It was fine.  Pretty much what I had pictured.  But.... I had a great time.  The venue was okay.  The food was okay.  The entertainment, a comedian, was okay.  But the people were great!  Now, if I had not known anybody prior to going, it might have been a bit different.  As it was, I sat a table where I knew most of the people already, and there were several others I knew at other tables as well.  Due to my continued participation at crossdressers.com I had interacted with several people there and finally got to meet them in person, which was super nice!

But the best part of the evening was due to my fabulous wife and her dancing queen spirit!!  Prior to the event, earlier in the day, she and I had a good talk about my VAST insecurities with dancing.  What I kind of discovered is that I have always felt insecure in my dancing as I have always wanted to emulate the females I was watching.  But in doing so I was always looked at as weird, because you know guys don't dance that way!  Anywho... Jules and I went into the hotel room, turned on Dancing Queen and I figured out how to dance a bit more!  Now it didn't turn me into Paula Abdul or anything, but I became a bit more relaxed

Thus during the evening, after the comedian, when the DJ began spinning tunes, I went and changed into the above outfit; people were jelous of my smart choice of dancing shoes!  Jules and I then went back down to the venue and began to boogie our little butts off.  Wow, my wife certainly can dance.  Me, I danced.  I felt FAR more comfortable than I ever have dancing in the past, and I know that a large part of that was because I was finally able to dance while dressed as a girl.  Wow!  It was a quite a bit more freeing than in the past.  I actually really enjoyed myself!  Jules and I rocked that dance floor!  Our enthusiasm also pulled several of our friends out to the floor to get their groove on!

Dancing, that was bar far the best part of the evening.  Well, besides getting to hang out with my friends!

The evening wound down and a few of us went to the hotel bar and hung out for a bit, talking for a little while longer, before returning to our rooms.

Would I go again, um... yeah!

Love you!

Love yourselves!

Love Dancing!!

Sparkle Ball

This weekend I will be embarking upon a new adventure for me!  Exciting! Right?  What is this new adventure?  I will be attending my first ever transgender event.  This will be the Sparkle Ball for the River City Gems based in Sacramento.  And I am quite interested in seeing what all of the hub-bub is about.

I am sure that it will be pretty much as I envisioned, possibly not my sort of affair, but still I am interested to go check it out.  I have a friend up near San Francisco who contacted me and asked me if my wife and I would be attending this year.  I checked the calendar and loe and behold, it was free for the weekend and so I went and asked Jules what she thought.

Her first question was, 'do we get to buy new pretty dresses?' Umm... of course!  Of course we get to go buy new pretty dresses!  How can you go to a ball without buying new dresses?  Well, my friend, Jennifer advised me that I should check into Rent the Runway as a good option for not having to buy a dress, but still being able to wear something gorgeous.  I did go check out the options available, but after checking the prices, and the dresses available, Jules and I went and hit the outlet mall.  Of course I found something super inexpensive and ball-gown-esque!  Thus, no renting the runway this time! But thanks for the suggestion Jen!

So.... anywho.... off to the ball Jules and I will go this weekend.  If any of you who read this glorious blog of mine are attending, please come up and say hi!  I'd love to meet any of my readers!

Hope to see you there!

Love you!

Love yourselves!

Love ball gowns!!

image credits:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ball_gown#/media/File:James_Tissot_-_Too_Early_-_1873.jpg

Scary Purple Lips

Top - Patty Boutik 

Skirt - Guess - Similar

Shoes - Kelly and Katie - Similar

Bracelets - Etsy

Okay, so maybe it is not too scary, but the purple lipstick is a huge change from what I normally wear.  I received a bunch of free lipstick samples from Urban Decay and they were just sitting in my makeup case, languishing in their unused state.  Thus I started cracking them open and trying them out.  I mean, why not, right?  This purple happened to be one of the more out there colors.

I suppose that from a distance it really does not look at that scary, but up close, it sure is a super shocker.  Especially if you are just like me, and tend to get stuck wearing the same color lips over and over and over and over!  Seriously, I tend to get a new color lipstick and I just stick with it.  Maybe it is kind of boring, maybe, it is kind of safe, maybe I should branch out more?  I dunno!

I think in the above picture you can see the scariness factor a bit better than in the other shots.  Maybe it's a bit scary?  Am I just being a bit over dramatic?  Possibly!

Okay, that's it for today!

Love you!

Love yourself!

Love purple, but just not maybe on my lips!  Well, maybe!

Come On Gynecomastia!

So I visited my urologist yesterday for my final check in after my previous appointment.  He had taken a biopsy of my bladder, just to make sure that there was nothing wrong and I had to go back in and see if anything was actually wrong.  As it turned out, nothing was wrong!  Yay!

My only issue is that I am having some complications from a prostate that is enlarged for my age.  Yay!  Fun!  Okay, maybe not so much.  That was what actually prompted all of my wondrous tests that I had to go through.

The point of this post - my doctor told me that he was going to prescribe me a drug to help decrease the size of my prostate, but that this drug has a well known side effect.  Now, I've done a fair amount of research into the side effects of various drugs, and I am well aware that a potential side effect of some prostate drugs is gynecomastia.  So, there I am, sitting in my doctors office, with him explaining this drug to me, and what am I doing, hoping that he is going to tell me that the potential side effect I may experience is growing boobs!

Talk about knowing that you are transgender, I'm hoping for a side effect that most men would absolutely hate.  Funny!

As it turned out, that was NOT the side effect my doctor discussed with me.  I mean, really, could you imagine, telling men that you could solve your prostate issue, but you'd have boobs?  Yeah, I think that would be a total deal breaker for most men.  Well, unless of course, you're a transgender male wanting boobs for you very own.

Hmm..... boobs of your very boobs.

I like the sound of that.

Love you!

Love boobs!

Sometimes Being Out Is a Responsibility I Don't Want

Is it easy to be out or in the closet?  I think this is something that many of us part timers ponder.  I mean if you are facing certain transition, then the question is moot.  You're not going to transition to the other gender entirely and spend your time sitting in a closet all by yourself.  Life couldn't possibly get done that way.

For those who are just an occasional cross dresser, then again, I think the question is easily enough answered, you can stay in the closet, and who is to be any the wiser?  I mean many cross dressers simply throw on a few bits of girliness, have a few kicks while sitting in the privacy of their own home, and why should they tell anyone and everyone, that they enjoy that?  Many crossdressers will state that life is far easier without anybody knowing, even if that includes their own spouse.  Who am I to say that is wrong of them to do?  Nobody.  I am nobody to say that their choice to remain hidden is wrong.

But now me, how about me and how I choose to live my life?  I don't see myself as your average ordinary crossdresser, in fact I think of myself less and less as a crossdresser as time passses.  What do I think of myself as?  Transgender probably best, and easily, sums it up.  But, do not mistake me, I have no intentions of transition to the other gender.  I may continue slowly meandering towards more of middle path, but that is not the point of this post.

The point of this post is the reality of being transgender, and being out.  By being out, what I mean, is that I live my life, all of it, my personal life, my family life, my friend life, my work life, LIFE!!! as an openly transgender person.  I do not always state it.  I don't carry around a large blinking neon sign, proudly claiming my TRANSGENDER status.  But I do me, openly, and freely, for anyone looking, for anyone that cares to see, and to anyone who cares to ask.

Recently at work, a coworker made me pretty uncomfortable.  He has commented before about the things I choose to wear, like my painted nails, my iPad case, my choice in clothing, specifically socks and shoes.  It has all been fairly innocent and friendly.  But recently, it crossed the line.  He came into a common worker area and stated quite loudly, "hey man, you and your choice of shoes and socks, just throws me."  Or something to that effect, after which he began laughing quite loudly and walked up to another staff member, shoved him in the shoulder and said "hey man, did you get a load of this guy's socks and shoes, and mean really."  And continued to laugh and encourage the other staff member to do so as well.  The other guy sort of looked at the first guy as though he was crazy.

So..... while I choose to not be open about the profession I am in, I will say, it is a HIGHLY protected one.  One where we are mandated to have training on harassment.  And the guy who was harassing me, guess what one of his roles is?  Union representative.  Uh yeah, so that just happened.

Which of course led to me sitting in the Human Resources Director's office today discussing that I consider myself to be transgender, and relaying what this colleague did.  He informed me that it would be handled appropriately and that it should not ever happen and that if it continues to, that further disciplinary action will result.  I thanked him for his time and left.

But afterwards, I felt down about it.  I suppose I felt down because there are times when I don't want this responsibility.  What I really want is to be able to do my job and live my life without the fear of ridicule from others.  Which is exactly why I HAD to go to HR and report the situation.  I HAD to go and tell them, openly, and frankly, that I am transgender, and YES this coworker made me feel uncomfortable and it is beginning  to be closer to border on harassment.

Heavy.

I wish people could understand others better.  I knew I had to go to HR, I didn't want to.  But I HAD to.  I know that I am strong enough to do it, even though I didn't want to.  But I knew I HAD to, for all of you out there who are not strong enough.  For all of you who want to be out of the closet but are afraid because of the potential of ridicule.

But sometimes it is a responsibility that I don't want.

What is that Spider Man line?  With great power come great responsibility.  Geesh, I don't even have mediocre power let alone great power.  But still, I've got the responsibility.

As of late, I have had some TS people kind of dismissing me because I suppose I am not trans enough.  Hmmm..... trans enough yet people?

Love you!

Love and hate responsibility.

photos:
http://thebluediamondgallery.com/r/responsibility.html
https://pixabay.com/en/human-resources-hr-management-1181577/
https://pixabay.com/en/closet-dresser-furniture-wardrobe-764792/

Mr. Unhappy

Do you know what a cystoscopy is?  Well I didn't until recently.  For your sake, I really hope you don't ever have to find out what it is.  Just as a fair warning, this post might be a bit more graphic in nature than some of my other posts.

So.... fair warning...... it may get a bit uncomfortable for some...... if you want to stop reading, now may the time!!!!  Last chance... okay, here we go.

I have been having an issue with some urine retention.  I think I am done going to the potty, and when I put myself away, things dribble down my leg.  Not always, but often enough that I frequently have more than a little wet spot left visibly on my pants.  Not a fun experience to have!!

Anywho..... during my last physical I asked to go see a urologist about the situation.  He ordered all sorts of fun tests!  I got to have several different ultrasounds.  Which were easy.  I got to have an CT scan of my kidneys.  Easy.  Except for the dye injection felt really weird!!

And then yesterday, I got the cystoscopy.  Oh what fun that was!!  I won't get into the nitty gritty details of that lovely procedure.  You can google it if you'd like, but I'm not even going to provide the convenience of a link for you!  Sorry!  I will explain though, the long and the short of it was I had a camera inserted into my bladder.  Yeah!  That happened!  Oh, and while there they decided to do a biopsy, just to check for anything weird.  Uh... that hurt!! He didn't see anything unusual, but he just wanted to make sure.

So..... in the end...... my diagnosis...... I have a prostate that is unusually enlarged for my age.  Everything is benign, and the suggestion is for me to spend a bit more time making sure everything is voided while I use the restroom.  Oh fun!

But here is the thing...... afterwards, I walked out of there really hating the fact that I have a penis!

So uh, yeah.  There you have it.

Will I rid myself of my extra appendage?  Nope.  It's just that right now, I'm not so happy with my Mr. Happy!  Thus the title of this post, Mr. Unhappy!

Ugh!

Oh and yes, I know this procedure can be performed on a female, but do you know how much shorter a female urethra is than a males?  And as well, females have no prostate to deal with either!  Yeah!  Ugh!

Yeah, trying real hard to love myself today!  To love all of myself!

Love you!

Photo credit:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cystoscopy#/media/File:Cystoscope-med-20050425.jpg

A Light Summer Look

Top - White House Black Market - Similar

Skirt - Iris Los Angeles - Similar

Belt - White House Black Market - Similar

Shoes - Guess - Similar

Bracelets - My Own - Etsy

I purchased this top quite some time ago.  So long ago that I actually do not remember when I purchased it.  That means it was awhile ago.  I really liked it when I purchased it, but for some reason it has hung in my closet waiting for the right time.  On this occasion, apparently it was finally the right time.

I do like the look of the top.  It is a nice color, super light weight, and hangs nicely on me.  Now that I see it in these photos, I really don't know why I waited for so long.  Maybe it has to do with my dressing being so limited.  I purchase clothes with super clear intentions of wearing them.  I like the items I buy.  I make sure they actually work for me.  And I come home with things that I like.  I really do.

Yet, so many of my clothes only get a small amount of use out of them.  I really think that it has to do with time.  While I dress in a half and half manner for most of my time, I generally am rather picky about what clothes qualify for my mixed look.  Certain clothes are worn exclusively while I am fully dressed as a woman.  And lately those fully dressed moments have only been a couple of times per month.

So.... what's the answer for my lonely pretty clothes?  Maybe making sure I give myself more dressing times per month, or maybe I should relax my requirements for clothing qualifying as being wearable in a half and half look.

Hmm..... maybe.  Maybe that second thought would be more reasonable.  Really, I am not always so interested in pushing myself to fully dress.  I used to......... you know, these thoughts really deserve their own post.

Okay!

Love you!

Love yourself!!