My Hair

On occasion I receive compliments on my hair.  I really appreciate the thoughts but I also feel super guilty and almost immediately have to tell people that it isn't actually my real hair.  It is something that I need to stop doing.  Who cares if people know that it is my real hair or not, right?  

I suppose I am the only one who really cares and ultimately it is a result of having not voluntarily given up my hair.  Alas there are many things that continually bum me out about the lasting effects of testosterone, and a huge one has got to be the loss of my hair.  If you don't know, losing one's hair is typically a result of testosterone converting to DHT (dihydrotestosterone,) it can also come about in females from DHEA and testosterone also converting to DHT. Exciting stuff, huh?  Oh boy! It is interesting that while baldness typically affects men, it is also a problem for many women.  Bummer! 

Point being, if I had started estrogen and spiro oh so long ago, like anywhere before age 18 or so, I would most likely have super luxurious hair today!  Okay, maybe not, but I'd have more hair than what I have today.  Wanna see?  Okay, here ya go.

That was my senior photo.  I was eighteen at the time.  Like the color?  Well it is sort of natural.  I spent so much time swimming in pools and at the beach, the salt and chlorine would totally bleach out my hair.  Personally I really liked the color.  I think occasionally I assisted the sun with some Sun-In or peroxide.  But generally that color is what I consider my natural hair color to be.  

I think this whole hair thing has got to be funny for people that have met me within the last fifteen to twenty years.  That is about how long it has been since I shaved it all off.  People have asked me on occasion as to why I don't grow it out again.  If I could, I would.  Seriously.  It is not super noticeable how much hair loss I have when I keep it cut super short - like no guard on the clippers short.  But if it grows for more than a week or two, you clearly see the typical male pattern baldness toilet seat pattern.  

Alrighty, anywho - I have no hair unless I wear my wig.  But, if I did have hair, it would be close to the same color as the wigs I chose to wear.  Which is one of the things about my wig style and color that helps to make my hair look a bit more natural.  Oh and also the fact that I buy rather expensive-ish wigs.  They are Jon Renau, one is the Zara, and the other is the Amber.  I do however have a rather largish head and thus I will only purchase wigs that have specifically been made using a large wig cap.  This is a big issue.  Most males do have large-ish heads and standard sized wig caps just do not sit right on our heads.  It is not a matter of it just being too tight, it is the wrong size.  It looks a lot like a small baseball cap sitting on top of a Charlie Brown head.  Well, for me at least.  

Okie Dokie peeps!  I am outta here!  

Love you!

Love your hair!

Yes, even if it is "just" a wig.  Come on, every bodies doing it, right?!

My Outfit - Black and White Polka Dots - My Favorite!

Dress - Laura - Similar

Leggings - White House Black Market - Similar

Booties - Madden Girl - Similar

Belt - White House Black Market - Similar

This past summer Jules and I were on our Alaska cruise and we pulled into port at Victoria, British Columbia.  We were really unsure what to do as it was a much larger city than we had visited on this trip and we are not super big on large cities.  We chose to just walk the streets and see the sites as pedestrian tourists.  As we were strolling down some nondescript road I spotted a super cute dress in a store window, but alas the shop, Laura, was closed.

We had no idea when the place was going to open as there was indication of store hours.  Maybe it's a Canadian thing, eh?  Ha-Ha, I'm so funny!  Okay, so anywho.... on we walked.  Really we had one idea in mind, to find some sort of British pub like establishment and get some pub food!  We are not experience with that type of food and we heard that Victoria can be known for it.  So we searched and searched.  It didn't really help much that it was about 9 in the morning and our ship was leaving at about 1 or 2 in the afternoon.

 We utilized our technology and found a good sounding place for some grub.  Upon arriving at the location, we were quite dismayed to find it closed.  It was something that had been repeated over and over.  Apparently, cities are not always the most convenient of places!  Feeling a bit frustrated, I convinced Jules that the shop I saw that cute dress in was probably open by now, being as it was after ten.  Thus we walked back towards the mall containing the shop with the super cute dress!

When we arrived there, surprise, surprise, it was in fact open!  And there were happy, friendly sales people milling about, ready and willing to help us!  And further good news, I found the dress I saw in the window, and it was in my size!  Oh good lordy, it was indeed shaping up to be a glorious day!  I took the dress in hand and began perusing the other garments on the racks.  A sales person approached and asked if she could start a fitting room for me.  Which I gladly accepted.

Oh and yeah, there was not a single hint of any sort of weird vibe from these glorious Canadian city dwellers.  I was clearly in mixed presentation mode.  I had obvious boobs, and was dressed in female clothing, but no wig or makeup.  But heck, these people treated me just like any other human!  Wow!  Such awesomeness.  I picked up a couple of other items and with anticipation of the super cute dress, I went with glee into the fitting room.  As well, Jules found a couple of things to try on as well!  It truly was a glorious day!

I went into the fitting room, stripped down, and put on the super cute dress and was instantly disappointed.  Boo-Hiss!  Crestfallen, I stepped out of the fitting room and showed the funky hanging dress to Jules.  While the dress was indeed cute, it was super not cute on me.  Ha!  Ah the perils of trying on clothes!

Oh well, I still had a couple of other options in the room waiting for me.  One of them was just as funky looking on me as the super cute dress and was quickly discarded.  But, this dress, in these photos, was tried on next and a warm glorious rainbow descended down upon me and I thought I heard a angels singing as the dress fell down around me and fit me like a glove!  Okay, a bit of an exaggeration, there certainly was no rainbow or angels singing, but seriously this dress fits like an absolute dream!

As well, it is in my favorite colors, black and white!  And what else, it is polka dots!  And what else, the dots are not uniform!  Oh glorious dress!  Oh and wait, it is stretchy too!  Oh and what else, it is the perfect packing dress as it can be rolled into a ball, pulled out, put on, and it looks fabu!  But wait, there's more, the dots are applied with a puffy type of paint and they produce the most fabulous texture that is so pleasing to run your hands over!  Oh My God!  It is a fabulous dress, and I love it!

Needless to say, everything else got left in the fitting room and this dress was brought to the counter, without a care as to the price.  Okay, well maybe a small care about the price, I mean I'm not about to drop a fortune on a dress, even if it is the most perfect dress in the world.  It wasn't bad, I think it was about 80 dollars, Canadian.  But what was also awesome, Jules found a super fitting beautiful dress as well!  Wow, Jules finding a dress that she likes, and fits well too?  Oh gosh, it was almost too much!

So.... I don't know if Laura is worldwide or just in Canada - a quick Google search makes it appear as though it is a Canadian store.  This store is fabulous!  It has so many cute things in many different sizes, for many different bodies shapes, with reasonable prices!  It is a really nice store with nice clothes and super friendly sales people!  Seriously, this was my highlight of Victoria British Colombia.  If I ever go back to Victoria, you know I am going back to this store!

(I really think Laura should pay me something for this review, don't you? - But seriously, it is a great store that super impressed me if you can't tell!  Ha!  I need to write more!)

Okay, I gotta run!

Love you!

Love yourselves!

Love textured, super yummy, black and white, polka dot, dresses from Laura of Canada!

Ha!

Does a Training Bra Provide Any Actual Training?

Knowing what size you are can be a super important thing for anyone who is transgender.  I think this is primarily caused by doing much of their clothes shopping remotely.  Transgender people often rely on catalogs and online purchases.  Thus, you need to know your size before you order anything.  You have to put it into the darn forms before they will send you anything.  Plus, there's added pressure for TG individuals as buying anything brings with it a certain amount of excitement.

This excitement is not exclusive to TG people.  Many people are happy, interested, desirous of receiving what they are purchasing.  Why else buy something, if you don't actually really want it?  But for transgender people there are often a whole host of other emotions.  Like a sense of freedom for  bucking social conventions, or of just pure unadulterated joy and excitement at the prospect of finally ordering some elicit item you have lusted after for much of your life.

When transgender people buy clothes it is often very different than it is for cisgender people.  Take bras for example.  Many women express many negative emotions about their bras.  Maybe they have forgotten what it was like when they were a growing child/teen and they were informed that they needed to buy a training bra.  This is a pivotal moment in many women's lives.  Something that was indicative of a change within them.  A change for themselves and for how the world viewed them as well.  This may be an exciting time for some, while for others it is their introduction to a massive nuisance they will have to live with for the rest of their lives.  (Hmmm.... too dramatic?  Talk to someone who hates their bras but feels socially compelled to wear them.)

Buying a bra for a male to female transgender person though is a major event!  Especially their first one.  Oh my!  The first bra is an unbelievable event.  It is filled with such joy and excitement and anticipation that I am seriously hard pressed to give the description justice.  Suffice to say, it is a big deal.

Thus, can you imagine the heartache and pain when the garment finally arrives in the mail, only to find that it doesn't even come close to fitting?  Yeah, talk about crestfallen!  It is such the massive bummer to finally buy it, sometimes after years and possibly decades of denying your wants, finally have it arrive, finally, after all this time, you have the actual item in your hands, and it is far better than you could have ever imagined, but AAAAAACCCCKKKKK, it doesn't freaking fit!!

That is when the doubts arise.  Obviously it doesn't fit because you're a dude trying desperately, foolishly to fit into something that is totally wrong for you to even want, let alone try.  Or maybe it is because you are just too ignorant to buy the right thing.  I mean after all, if your mother had informed you that you had to go get that training bra when you were just heading into puberty, then of course you would now know exactly what size bra to purchase, because you would have been trained for all things bra related!  Ha!


Maybe you even took the extra step of reading up on bra fittings, and took the additional step of actually taking your own measurements.  Did you use those handy "How to Find Your Bra Size" websites?  The one that say, if your under bust measurement is ______ and your across the nipple measurement is ______ then your magic bra size is _______.   So what does it mean then when your newly order magic garment of boobage is ill fitting?  Does it mean that you're just a different kind of failure?  Now you're so foolish that you can't read directions well enough?  You don't know how to use a measuring tape?  Or maybe you just can't use those measurements because you're mathematically challenged?

Really, what is the answer to these mysteries?  You need to get somebody else's advice!  Yes that is certainly the answer!  Somebody out there would know how to help you know your number.  That one number that would work for every store, every garment, every single time, without fail.  Maybe, ideally actually, somebody who has been trained in these things.  Like you know those lucky girls that got that privilege of being trained properly.

(Do you think I am mistaking the meaning of the whole training bra thing much?)

Okay, enough malarky!

There is only one assured way of getting something that actually fits you well:

Try it on!!!!!!

Sorry.  That's it.  No there is no magic mystical number that will always work, for every garment, for every store, for every season, for every age that you will ever be.  Clothes and bodies just don't work that way.  Not for dresses, or pants, or tops, or underwear, or bras, or even socks!  Come on, please, can't we at least have socks that universally fit?  No, you can't!

Listen, I know the struggle is real.  But seriously, don't for a moment think this is a transgender exclusive problem.  My wife has such a typical, and awesome female body, and what did she grow up with?  A mother who told her that no pants would fit her, because of her odd body.  She now hates to hear the phrase - your jeans are pooching.  I mean seriously, come on, who says that jeans are pooching?  What does that even mean?  Apparently she thought it meant having lines at the top of your jeans where the legs meet at the crotch.  Umm, okay, weird.  Maybe there was nothing wrong with her body and it is just the nature of bodies and clothes?????

But what is a public-shop-a-phobic transgender individual to do?  Well you could try the following:

• Take a deep breath and go shopping while dressed in your socially preferred manner.  You can pick up a variety of clothes, male and female, and take all of them into the dressing room and just try on what you would like.  Yeah, it's a bit different, but I have done it.  Imagine, what would you do if you had to buy clothes for an opposite sex person because they weren't able to?  What would you do?  I know that when my wife broke her leg, I shopped for her.  She couldn't do it!  There are non-cross dressing reasons why somebody might buy clothes from the "wrong" side of the store.

• Buy more than one item's size while shopping on line.  Buy the size you think you might be, and then one bigger and one smaller.  Then you have greatly increased your odds of getting the right size.

• Buy one item online, with the understanding that it probably won't fit!  And have every intention of trying it on, and sending it back if it isn't just right.  Maybe the store will offer free return shipping; so look for it.

• Dress how you want, and for the gender of clothes you will be shopping for, and go for it!  My personal favorite is visiting outlet malls in the morning when they open on weekdays.  I get the best service at those times and it is much lower pressure than any other shopping time!  But if you do it, you MUST try on your clothes before purchasing, and if you need to, go get a different size or five different sizes to try on!  Try them on and work to find the right size regardless of what the tag says.

Here is what I think you should not do:
- try to find your size and expect that it will always work.  It won't.  For anybody.  Ever.  

Well, okay, your size could serve as a general guide, but that is about it.  Think about it as a starting point.  Seriously.  I have had my size down for a certain manufacturer and then the next season, I am a different size.  I go from one store to another and I am a different size.  Sometimes I am two different sizes depending on the fabric that was used to create the garment.  This has happened for all the types of clothes that I wear, socks and shoes, and most especially bras.

Okay.  I guess I had more to say on this topic than I thought I originally did.  Hmm.  Interesting.  Well,  maybe just to me.  But I have had many people contact me inquiring about my size, and it bothers me.  Not because of anything other than, what does such an irrelevant ever changing number ever mean to anybody else when it barely means anything to me?

What have these numbers been used for?  Possibly only to discount my knowledge of gender variant dressing.  Oh, I see, you don't know anything about finding female shoes for size 15 feet because you can just walk into any shoe store and find your cute little petite size 9.5 shoes.  Well then phfff on you.  You may as well just be a girl.

Yeah well, that may be true, but trust me that regardless of how special you think you are, there are a million other people suffering just like you.  I have heard men complain about this size thing towards male clothes and female clothes.  I have heard females complain the same way, about both genders clothes as well.  I have heard overweight people complain this way.  I have heard underweight people complain this way.  I have heard average weight people complain.  I have heard completely flat chested people complain about bras as well as breast-gifted people complain about their bras.

Which group of people generally don't complain about clothing issues?  Those of us who have conquered the fear of shopping and who work hard for what we have!  It's the truth.  Deal with it.  Go shopping.  Enjoy yourself.  Have a drink if that helps.  Have a pretzel from Wentzle's if that is what it takes.  Do what it takes!  Get over the BS reasons of why you can't and go do it!

So... even though I never had a training bra, somehow I figured out how to get some things done.  Besides, I don't really think training bras train you for anything, from what I can tell.

I do think I've got the whole training part of the training bra wrong.  Hmm..... maybe it's training for understanding that your life is quickly changing and you better adapt quickly and get used to it, or figure out what else to do about it?

See.... I'm still rattling on and on about this!  Okay.  I've got to stop!

Love you!

Love you!

Love you!

Love yourself!

Learn to love TRYING things on!

Seriously.

Do it!

Loves!


photo credits:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/scarlettonamission/7208622022
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File%3AMen's_clothes_designed_by_women_(1903).jpg
https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=2619039
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File%3ACup_size_comparison.jpg
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File%3AS-H-Camp-company-ad-cup-sizes-1933.jpg
https://www.flickr.com/photos/glorycycles/5990003309
https://www.flickr.com/photos/rodeime/15627238721

Max Tara Breast Form Review

Max Tara AS

You may remember one of my recent posts about forgetting my breast forms at a hotel, which meant that I am in need of some replacement boobs.  The ones that I lost were from The Breast Form Store, and retailed for about $200.  Wow!  I decided to try the Max Tara forms above being as they were selling for about $23 a piece and they do sell them separately, as a left and a right.  But still they were less than a fourth of the price of the lost ones.

Being as I am an Amazon Prime member, I got the new forms in about 2 days from ordering.  Which is awesome!!  They arrived in the standard Amazon packaging, and it has been a couple of months since I got them, so I totally forget how they were individually packaged inside of the Amazon box.  They arrived in fine condition though.

My immediate thoughts were, they were huge, and super soft!  I purchased the 300 gram size.  I thought that would be an okay size as they were advertised as an A or a B cup breast.  Part of the problem with this is that cup size is a ratio with your band size.  If you put a 300 gram breast on someone with a 36 inch band, it will appear much bigger than if it is on someone with a 42 inch band.  For your reference, generally I wear a 38B bra.  I would prefer a 38A, but that is a super uncommon size.  So I settle for a 38B.

Thus, with these breast forms, I had to go through all of my bras and figure out which ones would work with these forms.  The sad truth was that none of them worked.  They were way too big.  The other thing about these forms is that they kind of have two wings.  One extends up and one extends to the side.  It can give the impression of a more full breast.  But it also means that it needs to have a larger more full coverage bra.  Lucky for me, Jules has kept about every single bra she has ever owned and allowed me to rummage through her leftovers.  I found some that worked, but that put me up to a 38C/36D OMG!  Way too big for me!

What I do like about these forms though is how soft they are.  They are more squishy than my lost ones and Jules and I both feel as though they have a very good feel to them.  They are very breast like in consistency.  Oh and something else I forgot to mention, they are also lightly concave.  And one more thing, there are nipples, but they are not very prominent and they are not a different color in anyway.

Overall, for the price, they are super good!  They are just way too big for me.  I think I need something like half of that size.  Oh..... and as well, generally I don't wear my forms while out and about dressed as a woman.  They tend to be something quick, simple, and easy for me to just pop in and give me a some boos while hanging out.  That could be why I think they are too big; they don't suit my purposes.

Hmmm...... the last thing I might say is that overall, I really didn't see much differences between the $45 dollar breast forms and the $200 ones.  You would think that for $200 they would be so totally amazing that they would put anything else to shame!  Alas, that is not my experience.  While I am not happy with this pair, and I will continue to try and find something better for my needs, I can't see justifying such expensive forms as the ones I lost.

And further, The Breast Form Store, a great place BTW, has breasts that sell for like $400.  What do they do?  Shoot fireworks out of the nipples?  What?  What could it be for $400?  And that is why I think some people will buy them.  For $400, they must be just like real boobs!  But seriously, I don't think they would be any better than bargain priced boobs.

Okie dokie!  I will continue to update you on my newest boob search!

Love you!

Love yourselves!

Love trying out new boobs!

Oh - and while yes I do receive some compensation as a result of you clicking some of my links, I did not receive any special compensation for reviewing these breast forms.

Love This Shoe!! - Boo-Hoo For Me!!

CONVERSE X PATBO CHUCK TAYLOR ALL STAR HIGH TOP

I will freely admit, I do not have official permission to use this image!  I know, right! Image thief!  Well does it help that I am advertising the Converse brand?  Probably not.  I am totally in love with this shoe though.  I have taken to recently wearing Converse shoes to work almost everyday.  None of them are quite this feminine though.  Well maybe a couple of them, but not quite this pretty!  I really like that they have actual embroidery on them.  Often with Converse they will have painted on images that resemble embroidery, but they don't have actual embroidery on them.  This pair though, has really embroidery done on them.  So why am I SO bummed?  Well they no longer have them in my size!!

Boo-Hoo for me!!  Um.... I am majorly bumming!  So, if anyone knows where to buy these in a ladies size 10, then let me know!  I will be eternally grateful!

Speaking of Boo-Hoo, reader Clare wrote in and asked:

Off topic...thoughts on dressing en femme (to work) on Halloween?

To which I will say that I have never done that.  I have considered it, but I yet to actually do it.  And I am kind of mixed on my thoughts on doing it ever.  On the one hand, I am interested in going to work fully dressed as a woman, but at the same time, I am kind of not interested in that.  As well, I don't really like the idea of dressing as a woman for Halloween.  Halloween for me is a time to dress specifically in a costume.  Thus if I were to dress as a woman for Halloween, does that mean that I am presenting myself dressed as a woman, as a costume?  I kind of don't like that idea.  I don't like the idea of me dressed a woman being a costume.

I totally get though why so many other MtF transgender people do dress as a woman though on Halloween.  They see it as the one time of the year when they can get out dressed as they please, and no one is going to think they are a freak.  I totally get that there is some sort of assumed safety of dressing however on Halloween.

But it is not for me.  Well, I could see dressing as a woman, but then being in an actual costume.  Like I did for this photo:

Other than that though..... I don't think I will ever just dress as a woman, and then go to work for Halloween.  Now just dressing as a woman and going to work on any random day.... hmm..... possibly!

Love you!

Love yourself!

Love Cute Converse with Embroidery!!

Image:
http://store.nike.com/us/en_us/pd/converse-x-patbo-chuck-taylor-all-star-high-top-womens-shoe/pid-11340121/pgid-11627209?cp=usns_pdsoc_nike_103016_mln_fbk_wmn_xct_rtgng_dpa_x_x_x&k_clickid=ef9608fa-3ce9-4f36-810f-501dca9add50  

New Top

Top - Venus: Henley Sweater

Jeans - Guess - Similar

Shoes -  Madden Girl - Similar

Wow, that photo is super grainy!  I wonder what happened with my process??  Anyways....

I got a catalog in the mail awhile back and while flipping through it I saw this top.  But it looked a bit different on the model than it does on me.  Here, check it out:

I think it looks a bit better on her than it does on me.  Maybe I should just ignore that she is probably a size 00 and a size DD.  Oh and that most likely this top is pinned and clipped all around her to make this top look like it is just perfect for anybody!  Ha!

I am not saying that this top looks bad on me.  In fact I told Jules that I was feeling a bit cute yesterday.

The biggest difference, and problem, between the sweater on the model and on me is that on her it clearly comes down below her crotch while still being tight enough to hug up against her body.  Whenever I get something in a larger size to go down below my crotch, it becomes so wide that it has more of a tunic effect on me.

For $27.00 dollars though, and the way it shows off my cleavage, I think I will settle on that the top is okay.  I think it looks alright, and that the above picture of me is actually kind of nice.

Wow, I, better watch out for those complements, I'm beginning to get loose with them flying left and right!  Ha!

While wearing this Jules and I finally went and saw Deadpool.  We both really liked it, and both agreed with everyone else, that was not a kid's movie!  We also shopped a bit in the mall, stopping at Macy's; it is gift time at Clinique!  I also picked up a new phone case, which was supposed to be more red, but is actually more pink, oh well, here I come with a pink phone case!

Love ya!

Photo from:
https://www.venus.com/viewproduct.aspx?BRANCH=7~69~&ProductDisplayID=16856

Anorexic? Nah, Just Gender Dysphoria!

For many, many years Jules told me that she was worried because I appeared to be anorexic to her.  Why?  Well because no matter how much weight I have lost I have never been satisfied and have always told her that maybe I would be happier if I lost a bit more.  This has worried her and minding her concerns I have always tempered my weight loss desires.

But it has always made me ponder, what exactly is wrong with me?  Why am I never really happy with my body?  When I was 30 years old and I finally weighed myself with a scale at a local pool, and discovered that I was about 40-50 pounds over the weight I had been in college, I thought I understood why I wasn't happy with my body.

I began exercising and dieting and eventually I lost the weight.  But when I actually reached my goal weight and I was still not happy with my body, I honestly became more than a bit worried.  What if Jules was right?  What if I truly was anorexic?  What would that mean to me going forward with my life?  Would I end up being one of those folks I have read about who starve themselves and slowly wither away to the intense detriment of themselves, seemingly unable to do anything about it?

Scary!

Seriously.  As the years rolled by and my feelings about my body never seemed to change, no matter how much I dieted, no matter how many sit-ups I did, no matter how much I swam, the one constant remained.  Whenever Jules stated how hot and sexy my body was, I would always tell her that she was wrong and my body was anything but hot and sexy.

For ten years or so I maintained my weight at about 150lbs.  I am 5'9".  In male clothes, I wear a size 30 waist pant.  In female clothes, I can fit in skirts that range from a size 4 - 6.  And yet, I have never been satisfied.  I have never felt good about my body.  I have never thought the way Jules has about me.

And then, just quite recently, I finally began to understand what is wrong with me.  I don't want a male body.  It is as simple as that.  I don't like the looks of my body, because I keep expecting to be able to look into the mirror and see the body of a woman.

Sigh!!

Well I suppose that at least now I know it is not anorexia.

Good for me!

At least Jules can admire my body!

Good that someone can admire my hard work!

I do appreciate it, I just wish I actually liked it.

Love yourself!

Even though it is hard.

Even if it is something that you have to force yourself to learn to do.

I am trying!

I hope you are!


Photos:
https://pixabay.com/en/weight-loss-slimming-diet-health-494284/
https://www.flickr.com/photos/o5com/4926092996
https://www.flickr.com/photos/tipstimesadmin/11375964424
https://pixabay.com/en/gym-weight-lifting-muscle-exercise-307770/

Outfit for 100 Degrees!

Tank - Calvin Klein

Pants - Papaya - Similar

Shoes - G by Guess - Similar

Belt - Mossimo - Similar

It was predicted to be a bit cooler of a day; only 100 degrees!  But hey, it is a dry heat!  Hah!  Try that in a wig that basically amounts to the same thing as a fleece cap.  Gosh.  Anywho.... I obviously chose this outfit to help combat the effects of a pretty warm day.

I really enjoyed the cooling aspects of this look.  I don't know if I have ever worn just a tank top while out before.  In general, tanks don't do my body shape any benefits.  While I agree that I am in pretty good shape, I do not possess the body shape I would like to have.  I would love to have a nice curve in to my waist, giving me a little curve, I would probably even be happy to just have a totally flat stomach.  Thus in this outfit, with this tight of a tank, I am not happy with it showing the tiny little belly pooch and the bit of extra above my hips, with that ever so tiny flat tire effect.

Isn't that just a bit crazy?  What was Jules' comment about my outfit?  That it was an outfit for skinny people.  And what is going on in my mind?  My insecurities about areas that I think aren't skinny enough.  Hmmm.................

Okay... enough of that!

 

I really like these pants.  They are a totally new thing to me.  I don't have anything else like them.  They are super light weight and a pleasure to wear.  I like the flare at the bottom that really spreads out while walking.  It is kind of neat that at times they appear as a dress, but have the convenience of pants.  Like at the nail salon I was able to just role them up.  Super convenient.  Jules said that she like how they made my butt look.  But I think that has more to do with the Spanx I have on.

The thing about this outfit, as with many summer outfits, is that really is not much to it.  There is not much fabric to help obscure things, or change things, or emphasize things.  Thus, my arms are out, my torso is clearly shown, and my lack of hips are utterly obvious.  But I felt cute.  And it was the perfect outfit for the weather.

Watch out for that heat!

But still get out there!

Outfit for 4-19-2015 - I Have Arms!

Dress - White House Black Market

Shoes - Taryn

Oh goodness, I SO love this dress.  I love the fit of this dress so much, I bought a 2nd one that is basically the same dress, just black with white polka-dots.  But I like this one a little bit more than the other one.  This is my favored one because I there is something about this dress that immediately made me less self conscious of my arms.

Arms are one of those "tells" that I often feel very aware of.  My sense of insecurities is so intense it often amazes me.  After all of this time and still I think that doing something like showing my arms is going to cause the masses to finally pitchfork me!  I keep trying to tell myself that regardless of what I think everyone HAS to know that I am a guy in a dress.  And if that is the case, then what difference would it make if I show my arms.  Who cares how many "tells" I give the world?  If they all know that I am a guy anywhere then what does it matter?

It really shouldn't!

Suffice it to say that I am self conscious of showing my arms while dressed as a woman, but when I put on this dress my arms seemed to disappear.  Wow, what a magical dress!  And ever sense I have been trying to determine what it is about this dress that makes it appear that way.

When I look at the above pictures, the picture on the right clearly shows my arms.  And obviously my arms have not shrunk in the dress.  And yet, with the photo on the left, and the one on top, my arms appear smaller to me.

The dress does fit extremely well, thanks to the side zipper on it.  But I don't think that is what does it.  I think it is the large stripes.  Something about the large blocks of color I think makes my arms appear smaller.  I also think the large black stripe right under my bust draws your attention to that spot on my torso.  Which is also awesome as that is the smallest portion of my waist!

I wore this outfit while out shopping this weekend.  It had warmed up and was predicted to be in the upper 80s.  Jules and I went to Macy's, JCPenny's, and Cal Spas, and to Costco.  We had a few things to pick up.  Some makeup, a part for our outdoor spa (yummy!) and of course household goods at Costco.  It was a nice day, and I really did not think about my arms at all!

Updates:
- Thanks to everyone for their opinions on my photos, yes I did enter the Glamour Boutique contest!
- My puppy is doing great.  We have had him for about 3 weeks now! Yay! Puppy!
- Drama continues to ensue with my dad's ex.  Which sucks! But I am getting through it.

I think that is about it lovelies!

Thanks for everything!

Love you!

:)

Outfit for 4-5-2015 - Big Arms/Small Arms

Top - White House Black Market

Skirt - Guess

Shoes - Nickles

Belt - Mossimo

Recently, my good friend Vivian sent me a picture of her in a super cute top, but I told her that I didn't really like the arms of it very much because they were too "puffy" for me.  Honestly, I liked everything about the top except for the arms!  She texted me back and informed me that I better get used to it because puffy arms were all over the stores.  And wouldn't you know it, the very next time I was shopping at my current favorite store, White House Black Market, I found this top, and what does it have puffy arms!

Okay, so Vivian, I take it back!  Can I still do that?  Or do I have to permanently be against puffy arms?!  Ha!

When I tried it for Jules, she also did not like the puffy arms.  But, I thought that maybe it made my arms look smaller.

So what do you all think?

Oh and another thing, I wasn't so sure about the belt, but I think it totally helps to give me some shape.  Without it the top looks pretty big on me.  I purposely chose the skirt I have on because it is a bit looser and I think it helps to balance out the largeness of the top.

Jules and I went out on this day and got our nails done:

Sparkles!

We have had our new puppy for a week and a day, and he is doing great!  We are pretty tired, but he is great!  Oh and we decided to stick with the name of Indy.  He is a total cutie!

Okie dokie folks!

Love you!

Outfit for 3-17-2015 - Stripes!

Top - White House Black Market

Skirt - 36 Point 5

Shoes - Taryn

Belt - Mossimo

Overall I think my outfit looks pretty good.  I especially like the shoes!  Do you know how long I have been looking for a nice pair of shoes in a nude color?  For a LONG time!  I ended up spending about $100 on these shoes as I had finally found a pair of mostly comfy nude shoes.  And they are wedges as well, which means that they are fairly usable as shoes I can actually spend the day in.

And on this day I did spend quite a bit of time in them.  Alas as with most cute shoes, after several hours, they did make my feet begin to hurt a bit.  But with going to a department store, the movies, and then to Costco, and walking all around that giant store, I would honestly be surprised if my feet didn't hurt me at least a little!

Okay, so, while I love the fit of this top, the color of this top, the fabric of this top, I just don't know if horizontal stripes on my torso is the best thing for me!  After reviewing this pictures for this post, I kind of get the feeling that the stripes make my torso look bigger.  Maybe it is pairing this top with this skirt.  The skirt is pretty straight and skinny, and I rarely use my hip pads anymore.  So my bottom half looks pretty small, but my top half looks a bit larger.  I don't know, maybe it is just my perception!

Oh and while I was snapping shots, my dog thought he would get in on the fun.  Isn't he a cutie?  I don't think I told you all yet, but I am getting a new puppy soon!  It is less than two weeks away at this point.  I am so excited, and so nervous!  Good golly, a new puppy?  How am I going to do that??  Ahhh....... I am nervous, and excited, and afraid, and happy and.....???????  Oh I hope I can give my new little guy everything that he needs!

Okay.  Love you all!  Thank you so much for reading.

What do you think of the stripes?  Good, not good?  Opinions?

Oh and I am still looking for other folks who are interested in posting their own outfit posts.  What I would be interested in you doing would be to: take at least 1 full photo of your outfit.  Tell us who made what.  And what you like or don't like about it.  Come on people, I am not the only little fashionista out there.  I know you folks love your clothes and outfits, and that many of you look great!  Don't be shy!

Love you again!

Outfit for 11-17-14 - Skinny Jeans & Boots

Top - Bobeau

Jeans - 7 For All Mankind

Boots - Nine West

I love boots.  But I am very picky about what I pair them with.  I really don't like boots with skirts or dresses.  Well, sorry, I only like that look occasionally.  I am quite picky!  Okay, whatever... What I do like is boots with skinny jeans!  So, maybe you could tell that I really like this look.

I especially like these particular boots.  They have a very small rounded toe box and they make my feet look all small and cute!  What is it about small feet looking cute?  Sorry folks.  I know that must make several of you quite annoyed.  (I seem to have a habit of doing that!)  Ooops!  I am not saying that only small feet are cute, just that in our culture smallish feet are thought of as cute.  I know my wife has often been annoyed by her shoe size and has always thought of her feet as being too big.  But to me, I love her feet.

Anyways... Today Jules and I did our usual, shopping at Costco and Trader Joe's.  It was a very uneventful trip, which was nice.

My big news of the day?  It has nothing to do with cross dressing... but I got a reservation to my favorite duck hunting spot of all time!  And it will be on the first day of the season that they are open!  I know, to many of you, you really could care less.  But it is tantamount to hitting the ducky lottery! I am so frickin excited, I am almost squealing with joy.  Okay so that last bit maybe a little over the gender lines huh?  I am quite the mix of gender tendencies.

Speaking of mixing things up, Jules left on Sunday to go shopping and I was throwing oak logs into the back of my pickup.  I finished that job, sprayed RoundUp around the yard, hopped in the shower and got changed into something cute and fem.  I was standing there waiting for Jules to return and thought, hmm.... maybe I should text her.  I did.  She was thrilled.  It was just a funny day!

Love you!

Oh and thank you to all of you with your heartfelt caring about Jules and I and her depression.  Just an FYI to you all.  I kind of wish her depression did have something to do with my dressing, at least that would be easier to wrap my head around.  Her depression though is something that began under a dysfunctional family that taught her to keep it all inside and put a big smile on her face.  It has caused her years of internal struggle and strife and guilt and shame and generally feeling like crap. But she is attempting to figure our constructive ways of combating it.  It is just a super long term process.

Alrighty then!

Love you.

Love yourself!

Wear some boots!  :)

Outfit for 10-27-14 - Skirt That Shows off my Skinny

Skirt - ???? (Sorry I forgot and don't have it with me right now!)

Tank - Mossimo

Sweater -

Shoes - Nickles

Jules and I decided to go and get our nails done and it was finally a sort of cooler weather day!  OMG, California is actually cooling off a bit.  Still no rain for the central area where I am, but a day predicted to be in the low 70s?  Wow, now that is cooling off?  Ridiculous huh?

Anyway, I decided to finally wear this skirt!  I had purchased this skirt some time ago, I want to say maybe back in March or April.  It has been hanging in my closet ever since, waiting for a cooler day.  It is a rather thick fabric, and not a good skirt for a warm day.  So it waited.  And finally it came out to play!  Which btw, is some good advice for you for getting a good deal on clothes.  Buy them in the off season and wait for the right time to wear them.  I think this skirt was only about $20!  Which is a steal for such a great item.

Why is it so great?  Well, I like the length.  It is rather long as a skirt for me, but with the longer length I can pull it up higher on my torso, giving me the illusion of a higher waist.  Also, with the thicker black band at the waist, it helps to emphasize my smaller waist.  And there is one more thing that gives it a good skinny look?  Any ideas?????  It is the color blocking.  Having the white on the sides and the black down the middle makes it give me the illusion of being even skinnier than I really am.

One thing with this outfit that I was unsure of was the cropped sweater.  I thought maybe a longer sweater would look better.  But Jules correctly pointed out that with it being shorter, it also helps to emphasize my skinny little waist!  She was so right, so I stuck with it.

Life update-
- Jules has been doing very well lately with her depression.  Looking through her old family photos and trying to sort out where her feelings originated is really helping!  Which is great!
- I have been super busy, as per usual! Have you noticed the blog has really only been updated once per week?  Yeah, a full life!
- My dad has gone into the hospital and possibly will be going to a full time care facility.  I'm trying to decide what my move, if any, will be in regards to that.
- Duck hunting season has opened and another avenue is gobbling up my time!

Okay lovelies out there!  Gotta run.  Gotta go work, work, work!  And the funny thing is all I can ever seem to do is to cross one thing off my list and add five more.  You know, maybe I need to be less motivated!  It is always, go, go, go, go, go!!!  I suppose I can rest when I am ______?????

Love you!

Hope you all are well!

Thanks for reading!

Outfit for 10-21-14 - $150 Jeans!!

Top - White House Black Market

Jeans - 7 For All Mankind

Shoes - New York Transit

My good friend, Vivian mentioned to me one time that I had to try a pair of 7 For All Mankind jeans as she thought they would be perfect for me.  Vivian has a very nice shape to herself and informed me that she couldn't fit it the 7 For All Mankind jeans, and that is what made her think they would be perfect for hip challenged girls like me.

So for my birthday shopping trip, jeans were on my list and I knew that I had to try out those jeans.  Jules was with me that day but she went to another shop and thus I ventured into the 7 For All Mankind store by myself.

There were two younger ladies working the counter, and no one else in the store on that early Sunday morning.  They greeted me and I said hello and began browsing the racks.  They asked if they could assist me.  I told them I was just curious.  They inquired what exactly I was looking for.  I informed them, that I had no idea and that I was referred to them by a friend, and that I had never been into their store before and had no idea what I was looking for or what size I was or anything!

That is when they went into action!  One of them peered at me and guessed my size.  She gave me two pairs of the same jeans and told me to go try them on so we could figure out my size.  I ended up being a 27.  Skinny minny me, huh?  I showed them, and one of them said, I knew you were a 27.  They told me to wait there and they went and grabbed about 8 different pairs of jeans for me to try on.

They were all super skinny!  Not according to the tags.  Some were labeled as flared or straight leg, or skinny, but wow, I knew what Vivian was talking about.  Anybody with a decent sized booty was not going to be fitting into these jeans!  But lucky for me, with my mini butt, they actually showed off what I had.

Of course, after all of the super star treatment, and lots of fitting advice and opinions from the ladies as I was trying on and showing off the different pairs of jeans, I settled on the pair that I thought looked the best.

That was when I finally looked at the price tag and saw that they were marked down from $199 to $150!  Holy crap!  I have never paid such an exorbitant amount for a pair of jeans!  But I looked at my butt again and had to by them! Ridiculous I know!

So... anywho... I wore the above outfit while shopping.  Jules and I stopped at a Macy's to get some more Clinique.  The sales associate complemented me on my nails:

Then we went to a Best Buy where a sales associate complemented me on my sweater and said that he loved the purple with the black:

Nobody complemented me on my awesome jeans, but hey I felt like a million bucks!

So thanks Vivian!  You are the best!  I love having such a great friend that can point me in such wonderful directions!

Alrighty then!

Love you!

Love yourself!

Buy yourself something nice, because you are worth it!

:)

Coming Out Summer - Tale #3 - The Oddest One Yet

Each summer one of Jules' friends comes and visits for a day or two.  This is someone who Jules used to work with about 15-20 years ago.  We have both worked with many people over the years in our careers but only a couple have made the switch from work associate to actual friend.  Well L is one of the two.

Which is rather odd as she is do unlike either Jules or I.  Well now that I say that, it occurs to me that she is actually quite like me.  She is actually very gender non-conforming.  She is pretty much the most un-girly girl that I know.  How un-girly?  She has played tackle football.  That is pretty un-girly.  Well, okay, maybe it is just me and my limited exposure to the world, but I have not ever encountered any other girls that have played league tackle football.  Obviously there has to be some, it was part of a league!

Well, that is all besides the point.  Hm.... maybe kinda, maybe it is also kind of the point.  That is what made this tale kind of the oddest so far.  Being that she is rather gender non-conforming herself, she was kind of unsure as to what to say when I told her about myself.  More along the lines of, "yeah, so whatever, why are you even saying anything?"  Because for her, we as humans are all allowed to be whatever we want to, no explanation needed.

Okay, maybe I should just get to the story, huh?

We were hanging out by the pool, L, her latest guy E, Jules and I.  I decided to tell her and so I did.  I told them both that I consider myself to be transgender, gender non-conforming, and an occasional cross dresser.  I had wanted to tell them before we went swimming, as I was planning on going in my new bikini bottoms and I didn't want to freak them out or anything by just doing it.

See, I really hate men's swim suits.  Those overly large baggy shorts, with weird net underwear, and as they are not big enough already, they also need huge pockets in them to carry all sorts of items in them while you go swimming.  Absurd, if you ask me!  I actually just prefer to go naked, but when we have guests over, that really is just a no go.  Well, unless it is Vivian and Edward.  Off topic again!!

So I told them, and L, really did not seem to get it.  She thought I was just talking about things like some clothes and some nail painting.  She has known about that for awhile.  But then I pulled out my iPad and showed her my blog, most notably this picture:

At which point she said, "damn, you are a hotty."  And "your boobs are bigger than mine."  I think then that she kind of got the point of the conversation.  Her boyfriend just sort of sat and listened and nodded.  He also thought I looked pretty good in my photos.

Shortly thereafter we all got changed into our swim suits.  That was when I had to take a deep breath, and do what I wanted, wear my bikini.  So I did it.  And what was the big response?  Jealousy.  L was told me that she was upset with me as I looked far better in a bikini than she did.  I thanked her, but told her that I thought she was wrong.  She was adamant that she was not.  She told me I definitely had the body for a bikini and should never feel weird for wearing it, as I looked great in it.

We hung out and swam and talked and had a great time together.  The next day they left.  But before going they both gave me a big hug and thanked me for being so open and honest with them and how much they appreciated it.

It brought us all much closer together.

All in all, a great thing!

Hope you enjoyed!

Love you!

Love others!

They may just love you back!