Well fellow netizens, it is yet again my birthday. Hooray! I am the grand ol age of 41 today. I don't think I have ever mentioned how melancholy I am on my birthday, well I normally am, and today is of no difference.
The reason for my melancholy, I think, has to do with growing up in my wonderful household. I grew up with a father who yelled just about every single day of his life, demanding that he did not deserve to be treated like a PFC in his own home. My birthday was no different. Actually, any day that was supposed to be a special day, holidays, etc, always ended up with my dad yelling, my mom crying, and my sister and I trying to get out of the way
Another reason that I may be strange on my birthday is that I am adopted. I was adopted at about three weeks of age. I was not told that I was adopted until about the age of 8 or 9. My sister told me. I cried and cried. I thought it was so sad. Sad that I was not of my parents, nope, I was thrilled at that thought. I was sad that I was not good enough for my real parents to keep me. Well at least that was how I thought of it at the time.
Now I know better. Now I know that my bio-parents were selfish fucks. I emailed with them both around 10 years ago or so. They searched me out and found me. The emailing lasted a few weeks with my bio-dad before I said good-bye forever to him. My bio-mom I ended up meeting and things got really really weird before I said good-bye to her forever.
So yea birthdays. Hmmph! The funny thing is I have never really had a problem with getting older. I have actually liked getting older. To me it has always been representative of me being able to be more responsible for myself.
Me for me. That is what I like. So I suppose that is a huge reason that I don't have my own children now. But some advice, if you have kids. Make them feel as though nothing else in your life matters like your children, because guess what, nothing else should matter. If you are a parents, that is number one job. I get to experience every day what the results are of parents not caring about their children. Good luck to you procreators.
Love ya!
Happy Birthday Nadine. I feel you with the melancholy emotions associated with this day. For me, after having moved around the country so much, I didn't have many close friends (if any) to celebrate with. I think this year will be different though, as we've made some roots where we live now. Best wishes again for your Birthday.
ReplyDeleteThank you for the birthday wishes Katie.
DeleteHappy birthday! And, thanks for writing your blog. I have really enjoyed following it over the last summer.
ReplyDeleteI am an occasional cross-dresser who had mostly locked it up for a while, but over the summer I've been opening up and exploring it a little more. A lot of things interfere, though.
The part about being adopted hit home, too. My wife and I adopted 3 children before getting lucky and having our own. Their bio-parents were teenagers who just weren't ready to be parents and devote the effort to raising a child.
This evening I shared a Bible study with one of my adopted sons. (who boh know about my cross-dressing) We talked about parenting and his girlfriend and the problems she has had with her parents.
I also sympathize with your problem with your father yelling. My father was a good man and a good father, but I still remember the times when the frustrations of trying to raise a family with 5 children got to him and he would yell and slam doors and I would find a quiet out of the way place to wait for him to calm down. I think I hold a lot in because of that experience.
Fortunately, our special days weren't spoiled. I hope you celebrate and enjoy today!
Thank you Joni.
DeleteGood for you for adopting. It is an amazing thing to do. Yeah, my bio-parents were very young. My mom was 15 when she got pregnant. She was in no position to raise a child. Thank goodness someone else decided to raise me. Unfortunately my adoptive father has his own lifelong issues. It's not they ended once I was out of the house. I still very rarely talk to him, and then it is only when I call him myself. Lovely, huh?
My birthday celebration consisted of me getting a gel manicure and going out to dinner. So it was mellow. Which is good.