I had an interesting discussion with my boss today.
I found myself sitting in my bosses office with my head supervisor and 2nd in charge supervisor, and I slightly dissociated from myself and heard myself say:
"Well I do consider myself to be transgender and another employee has gone to my intern and informed them that she does not "approve" of my "lifestyle" and that it is highly inappropriate to come to my workplace with my fingernails painted. I am not sure if that is appropriate to inform you of at this time but I suspect that she has misinterpreted my being transgender as me flaunting a sexual fetish at work."
Holy crap! Did I just tell my 2 supervisors that I am transgender? Yup! I did! Holy Crap!
This conversation was within a larger context of this particular employee harassing me and creating a hostile work environment. For the past few years this employee has complained about me numerous times and has had inappropriate discussions about me with fellow employees. Her arrogance finally got the better of her when she decided to discuss her feelings about me with an intern I am supervising.
She is the type of person who thinks she is a warrior for the "right" things. So she thinks people like her and appreciate her informing them of things. What she apparently does not realize is that most employees here consider her to be a cancer on the workplace. She is always negative and always complaining about something. Apparently I have been her target for about three years now.
And what did I do to deserve such treatment? Why the horrendous act of sending her an email politely asking her to stop talking poorly of me to our fellow employees. Apparently this upset her and put me on her radar as since then she has been behind numerous attempts to discredit me.
It has only been recently that my intern came to me and divulged to me the full extent of this particular woman's wrath. It has actually been quite disconcerting for me as some of her attempts have potentially put my employment in jeopardy.
But it was just this morning when I found out about her intolerance of my gender expression. My intern was visibly shaken and worried about informing me about it. But it came as no great surprise to hear that this woman was attempting to discredit me by criticizing my gender expression.
So what is the end result? I dunno! I informed my supervisor. I filed an official complaint. My allegations are being investigated. Do to the nature of my employment, I most likely will never be informed as to the results of the investigation.
Honestly I really don't care, I just want her to leave me alone. I just want to be able to be me and do my job.
Though I can't say it doesn't bother me.
But on the other hand, I told my boss! And do you know what, he was totally cool! So does that mean I am out at work now as well? Possibly!
I told my wife what happened that I told my boss that I am transgender and her response was "well yeah, what is the big deal, it's not like you hide it!." Love my wife! So nonchalant!
Take that world!
Love you!
Wow. That's big news. I hope things go well for you. I wear nail polish and sometimes stretch pants to work, but I haven't gotten many comments about it. I am very nervous about coming out, though. Your experience gives me hope.
ReplyDeleteHi Bry. I am glad that my experience gives you hope. I have come out to many different people at this point and so far so good! In fact everything has been great! I really only see positive things from it, but I know it is not always positive for everyone. I think it is a calculated risk that needs to be well considered.
DeleteEven though your hand was forced, good for you and for your intern and your boss and your wife! And fie on "that woman". Sounds like you have plenty of good people on your side, because you are a good person.
ReplyDeleteD
Thanks D. There are many good people on my side, and I feel so fortunate for that!
DeleteNadine,
ReplyDeletePlease, please, please, don't assume that just because you told your management team you're transgender, your career and job are over. You have a right to your own gender expression here in California, and even Federal case law is on your side. If your management team have any form of education, they will realize that you have a very good claim, and they need to deal with your back-stabbing coworker, or they'll be held just as liable as she is. Hold on there pretty lady, go in tomorrow and wow them with how well you do your work.
Hugs,
-Alana
Hi Alana. I am not worried about my career. Within my profession the protections are well followed. Otherwise I would not feel safe in coming out, my employment is quite important. Apparently, as was told to my wife, my boss thinks I am the best in my division, so that is awesome!
DeleteThis woman does not know she is talking about, Nadine. Your story shows that girls like us still have a long way to go.
ReplyDeleteYou are strong and that's why your boss should be glad to have an employee like you. And we all need women like you!
Love you
Feli
...slightly disconnected from myself
ReplyDeleteOh Nadine, I recognize what happened there so well, and I call it self-acceptance. It came from your inner self in a time of stress perhaps, but that just means it is that much more real.
I hope everything works out for you. It would be wonderful if wrathful low-life co-worker would learn something important from this.
Mostly, I hope you can, as you say, being able to be yourself and do your job in peace.
Thanks Halle. That is SO what I want, to be able to be me and do my job in peace. Seriously, I am good at what I do, all of my supervisors really like me. So I should be able to do my job in peace!
DeleteClearly not something you could ignore, but wow that is so awesome - your response - your bosses response - and the sunset! But good luck and lets hope she zips it!
ReplyDeleteNadine,
ReplyDeleteWe all have our trouble makers but yours is in a class of her own, has she problems! It’s good that you got in first and pulled your bosses up to date. I think you only confirmed what they thought anyway and here you showed them your standpoint concerning it. Well done in beating “her” to the post.
I remember talking to about your nail vanish a while ago, and I said colour would be a dead giveaway even then. I think it was inevitable that at some time this “talk” would have taken place. Now you need to put it behind you, with your bosses at least the cards are on the table. How the game will continue, irrespective of the harassment problem, time will tell. I hope all goes well with the job.
To put it a little into perspective this harassment looks like it will become a company problem and will be dealt with in general and not at a personal level. One says attack is the best form of defence and I think “she” believes this, but it’s not defence in her case but a deficiency in self-esteem, a sad situation that you all have to bear.
May I ask if you have any face to face contact with external clients? I suspect not, otherwise your nails would have come up before now. I ask because I will have to go to a client tomorrow and that will mean before I go I’ll be removing my clear vanish and filing my nails back to a “male” conform length. But afterwards, when I get home, it’s a fresh layer of vanish and then wait a few weeks to get the length back to where I like it..
Thinking positive and for the future, if you are still working at this company and “she” is a thing of the past, then maybe one morning you will get ready for work and as you leave the house, you will feel a light breeze under your dress and hear the click of your heels as you walk to the car...
All the best
Abigale xxx
Awesome! I am happy for you! Some people are just shit stirrers and I feel sorry for them. So much negativity! Why?? Live and let live and to each their own!
DeleteHi Abigale- thanks for the good thoughts. I do have face to face contact with clients and while some have questioned me, when faced with the quality of my work it becomes irrelevant.
DeleteI think I will be with this company for along time to come, they are good people!
Thanks for the support Dariana!
DeleteNadine
ReplyDeleteI think Alana gave you the best information. I think that by informing your supervisors that you consider yourself to be transgender and by advising them that you are being harassed by another employee on that basis that you have just given yourself almost indestructible job security.
Because memories fade and people become confused I would suggest that you sit down and write yourself a memo of what took place, where it occurred, who said what, etc. so that if it is necessary to resurrect the exact details in the context of any job related proceedings that you would have a contemporaneously created document to refresh everyone's recollection.
Good job and good luck.
Pat
Hiya Pat! Yeah several others have agreed as well that I have good job security now! Which is great. I am totally keeping notes on everything. Document, document, document!
DeleteI am so proud of you, honey! You are true to yourself, and I love and admire that about you. Thank you for being you. I love you, too. 🐢
ReplyDeleteThank you sweetie!
Delete