While on the way to work today I was pondering who is left in my circle of people that I have not had the official talk with. For quite some time now I have been making the assumption that everybody in my life knows that I am transgender. But I have not had the official talk with every single person. There were just a few people hanging around that I did not think it to be important to have the talk with. Some of my closer coworkers were in that group. But last week's reveal was probably the last of those stragglers.
Oh, wait, I never told the blog-o-sphere who I came out to did I? Sometimes I get so confused about which part of the net knows what about me. I mentioned this on Facebook, thus my confusion. Anywho.... there are three "jock" type males that I work closely with. I never thought it to be important to come out to these people. I dress the mixed gender way that I do, and they accept me as I appear, so why even go there? I chose not to, until last week. I figured it was about time to have the official talk with them. I told them about me, and estrogen, and what to possibly expect from me in the future. No torching or pitchforking occurred, just a simple "male" acceptance. Meaning - they have yet to shun me, which is a good step for them!
Okay, so while driving to work this morning I was pondering who is left to even tell? It was the weirdest thing, awesome weird, but weird still, I could not come up with anybody important that I have not had the official talk with. Oh - should I clarify? The official talk? That is when I will sit down with someone, preferably in person, and use the official word transgender, and most recently include that I am currently going to therapy and taking estrogen. The big E. Yup, that is me.
And thus it was, I was driving to work and I could not come up with anybody important who I have not had this talk with. Sure, there are people in my life who I have not had the talk with. There are lots of them. But these are not friends. They are not people who matter to my life. They are people like, some of my neighbors, who I see once or twice every few months, that I smile and wave to, as I drive by, sometimes in a wig and makeup, and sometimes scruffy and dirty towing my trailer off to the dump.
There are the countless number of people I encounter on a occasional basis. The guy at the store in my tiny country town. The lady who knows I like the fried chicken at the convenience store down the road. The brother of the friend I have dinner with once or twice a year. My clients at work. All of these random people, who come and go in my life, but bare no real significance upon it.
Oh - it did finally occur to me, there is my wife's dad and his wife. They don't know. And I have no intentions of telling them. Truth be told, there is zero reason to have that conversation with them. Oh, and now that I am typing it, her father's wife's kid. He doesn't know. Well, again he is in that group that if he doesn't know, he is a moron. But I have not had the talk with them. I really don't see the need to though. Honestly, my wife's dad and his wife will be damn lucky to live another year. They theoretically could, but I doubt it. They are in really bad shape. And once they go, I doubt we will ever see the wife's kid again. Hmm... maybe, but I doubt it.
So um yeah, I think that everybody whose anybody in my life knows. And that is a whole new world to me. Today is my wife's birthday. I was going to write something on her Facebook wall, like Happy Birthday to my awesome wifey! But it occurred to me, that I would be totally outing myself if I did so. I mean, her name on FB is her actual name. Mine is not. When I mentioned it to my wife, her response was, 'who is on my Facebook that doesn't already know?'
She has a damn good point. Who indeed? And it would appear as though there really isn't anybody. So strange. I'm a gunna' have to ponder this one for awhile! Maybe there are some that I am forgetting. But wow, geez, that is SO different from how I have lived most of my life. As with most transgender people, I have spent pretty much all of my life with people not knowing who I really am and what I really like.
Funny.
It occurs to me, what to do with this new found freedom?
The only logical answer - live and be free to be the me I've always wanted to be.
Insert Mel Gibson here, covered in paint, raising his hand, and yelling out 'freedom!'
Ha!
Love you!
Love yourself enough to be free!
