A Most Enjoyable Talk

A few weeks ago I had an opportunity to have an excellent conversation with Petta-Gay Hannah.  I will let her speak for herself in a moment.  I just want to first say that it was one of the most enjoyable two hour conversations with someone I didn't even know.  It felt as though I was talking to an old friend.  I really got a lot out of participating and I would highly encourage you all to participate!  Speak up and get your voices heard!

Love Ya!

Dear Site Participant,

My name is Petta-Gay Hannah and I am graduate student at University of Florida, Department of Sociology and Criminology & Law. I am conducting research for my dissertation to learn more about the Transgender community. My overall research goal is to learn more about this community to better inform Transgender people’s needs, and understand their identities.

Who can be in this Study, and what is the interview process like?

You are invited you to participate in this study because you are a member, visitor or participant of an organization and or website that provides support to transgender people. To participate you should be at least 18 years of age or older.

I will be interviewing approximately 100 people who identify as transgender and or gender nonconforming, and who participate on transgender specific websites. I use the phrase trans* and gender nonconforming to refer to transgender, transsexual, woman, man, gender queer, and other binary and non-binary gender identities and expressions for people whose gender identity or expression differs from their sex assigned at birth. This study will require one to two phone conversations taking about two hours or less of your time, depending on your pace in the interview. 

If you agree to be in this study, you will be interviewed. In the Interview you will be asked questions about your demographic background, gender identity, the transgender group or website with which you identify most, and people within your social network. You may also be asked to participate in a mobile ethnographic interview. Your interview will be audiotaped.

What are the risks and or benefits of my participation in this study?

Being in this study does not involve any risks other than what you would encounter in daily life.  If you discuss experiences or relationships that are of a sensitive nature, you may have feelings that might be uncomfortable or distressing. Throughout the interview, you can choose not to answer any question I ask or to stop the interview at any time. In addition, any other potential risks to you will be minimized by keeping your identity confidential to the extent provided by law.

You may not personally benefit from being in this study; furthermore, there is no compensation to you for participating in the study. However, by discussing your experiences you have the opportunity to reflect on relationships, experiences, and feelings with a person who is non-judgmental and a good listener. Moreover, I hope that what I learn will be adding to the body of knowledge about the experiences and needs of transgender people and the community as a whole.

Can I decide not to participate?  If so, are there other options?

Yes, you can choose not to participate.  Even if you agree to be in the study now, you can change your mind later and leave the study.  There will be no negative consequences if you decide not to participate or change your mind later. Furthermore, you may interrupt to ask questions concerning the research or research procedures at any time and you may refuse to answer any questions at any time without penalty.

How will my privacy be protected?

The records of this study will be kept confidential. In any report we might publish, I will not include any information that could identify you. Research records will be stored securely and only I, as the researcher will have access to the records. After the research project is completed, all the audiotapes will be erased.

Whom can I contact for more information?

If you have questions about this study, please contact Petta-Gay Hannah at 352-213-9312 or by email at ufresearch1@gmail.com. If you have questions about your rights as a research subject please contact: IRB02 Office, Box 112250, University of Florida, Gainesville, FL 32611-2250; phone 352-392-0433.

Outfit for 7-21-14 - Casual for the Drive

Top - Patty Boutique

Skirt - American Apparel

Shoes - Born O Concept

Wow, this picture makes me look like I have a super farmer's tan!  In real life it does not appear to be quite so pronounced.  But it is somewhat there.  Which brings up a recent change in clothing habits.  During the summer I normally wear female shorts and a male t-shirt.  This summer, a few weeks ago, I decided to begin wearing tank tops instead.

It has been a harrowing experience mentally.  It has caused my mind to run in circles.  This happens with me all of the time.  I think I have a grip on who I am and what I do and then I make one tiny little change and whammo I am slammed with super negative voices again!  Gosh it gets to be a bit  much.  Not enough to change my mind about what I chose to wear though.

And all of this, why?  Because I hate the crappy tan lines that comes from most of my boy clothes.  This is one of my earliest memories that I knew made me a bit different than other males.  As a swimmer, I always wore a Speedo suit for workouts and racing.  And I loved the tan I was able to get.  The other boys never seemed to care.  I cared a lot.

As a kid, I wore tank tops all the time and I never felt weird about it at all.  Somewhere along the way, I lost who I am.  My detour has left me with some nasty internal voices.  All I feel I can do about them, besides a self lobotomy, is to prove them wrong.

And that is what happens.  I do what I want to.  The voices talk shit.  I ignore them and prove them wrong.

Simple process.  It happens time and time again.  My personal hope is that one day the voices will learn and shut up.

Love you!

Listen to your voices.

Yes But Do You Have A Penis?

Seriously?  Did he just ask me that question?  I really did not anticipate it, but it also did not come out of the blue.

I was at a doctors appointment to get my medical marijuana prescription renewed.  If you don't know already, I have chronic sinus infections for which I use marijuana to manage the symptoms to be able to avoid surgery, which I don't want!

Anyway, this doctor's job is simply to assess whether I have a need for the medication or not.  I had a feeling it was going to be an interesting doctors appointment.  Jules and I have been seen this guy for the past couple of years and the first two times we saw him I was dressed as a woman, but the last time, just two months ago, for one of Jules' appointments, I was dressed as a man.

During that appointment he referenced previous appointments where I was dressed as a girl.  He also referenced me as a woman during that appointment.  It was weird as I was dressed as a guy, but I thought it was a sweet attempt to be sensitive to my gender.

During yesterdays appointment, he was confused from the start.  He called out my name, my male name and Jules and I went back to his office.  Right away, he commented, I remember you from a couple of months ago, but you were dressed differently.

I explained that sometimes I dress as a man and sometime I dress as a woman.

He then asked, well which one do you like more?

I then said that I don't prefer one or the other, but believe that my gender is somewhere in the middle of the two.

He then asked if I was going to become a woman.

To which I explained that no, I am not interested in becoming a woman.

He asked if I was taking hormones or hormone blockers.

BTW, none of these questions have to do with the medical marijuana, but I consider it kind of a job to be an ambassador of cross dressing. So I had no problems with his questions.  I found them amusing.

I told him that I was not taking anything to become more female and that I never had.  That I was happy being a man, I just cross dress on occasion.

He then asked the question; do you have a penis.

For which I said, yes, I have a penis.  Words I thought I would never utter.

His response?  He asked, does it function!!

Really??  First he asks if I have a penis and then asks if it functions??  What is that movie line??  Something about stupid smart people??

I answered, yes it functions.

He then smiled and said, hmm.... I like it.

We then had a few questions pertaining to why I was seeing him to which he signed off on another years prescription and the appointment was over.

I walked out of the office with my dress wet with sweat.  I like talking about all of this, but damn it makes me nervous.

You just never know what questions the cisgender folks are going to have.  I am just thrilled I am at a place that I can have a conversation and help educate the public.  Nothing is going to change until we take to time to change the ignorant to the knowledgeable.

Don't be afraid.  People don't bite.

Love you!!

Outfit for 7-13-2014 - Capri Leggings

Dress - Xhiliration

Leggings - White House Black Market

Shoes - Merona

Favorite part of the outfit?  The leggings!  The last time I went shopping at WHBM I picked out a tunic to try on and the sales lady asked if she could grab some leggings and put them in my dressing room for me.  Which reminds me, I love the SAs at WHBM.  They are very consistently cool.  They always take my clothes and start a dressing room for me as well as adding to the items I have picked out.  They have given me water to drink, brought me different sizes, and have always been great.  But maybe this is just the store I go to.

Anywho, I tried on the leggings with the tunic and thought I would hate them!  I mean capri leggings make people look short.  Who wants to look short?  But I put them on with the tunic and looked in the mirror and Jules and I loved them!  They were super cute.  So I had to have them.

In this outfit I paired them with this inexpensive little dress from Target.  I always thought it was a bit short, so the leggings go perfectly with it.  I didn't feel uncomfortable at all with the leggings combined with the kind of short dress.

Incidentally, I got rid of the shoes after this photo shoot.  I like them because of their nude color but I hated them because they have all sorts of little cutouts in the fabric and my skin bulges into them and hurts.  So they are gone!

Hey did you happen to notice, I started a new blog, Nadine's Bits & Pieces.  I linked to it up near the top of this page.  I have been wanting some place to post little tiny things, like a thought, or a picture, or snippets of lyrics.  I had thought of a Tumblr, or some other such platform but I like Blogger, so I thought I would try it out for a bit.

Gotta run.

Love you!

Outfit for 7/9/14 - 109 Degrees

Top - Patty Boutique

Skirt - Love Culture

Shoes - New York Transit

Jules and I went out this past Monday for the day.  It was predicted to me about 105.  We planned on getting our nails done, having lunch, and catching a movie.

I figured this skirt would be perfect for the day.  It is super light weight and a fun, big but short skirt.  I have actually been looking for one like this for some time and I finally found it.

It is interesting to where in that it is different then most of my other skirts.  They are tight, and this one is very poofy.  With my other skirts a looser top is fine, but with this skirt, it needs a tighter top.  I found that I don't have very many tighter tops.  Thus I wore what kind of worked, but I am still not 100% with this outfit. I think the top needs to be tighter or the skirt needs to be poofier.

It was my 2nd time in public showing my arms, maybe that is what I am bit bugged by.  Maybe, it was the temperature while taking these pictures:

Yeah it gets hot here.

Hope you are cooler than me!!

Love you

4th of July Nails

In order to do these nails, there really is not much to it.  I simply painted each one the color I wanted.  I used OPI colors for the job.  The red and the blue I chose have a bit of sparkle in it and I really like those but the white, not so much.  I never really like any white polish that I use.  Do you have any that you prefer?

Oh and the finishing touch is the little white spots on the blue nails.  Jules helped with that part.  I recently got some nail art pens, that use actual polish.  If you squeeze them they put out polish.  She used them to just dab little dots of white on for me.  I finished the job by covering it all with a clear coat.

I painted these nails while out camping with Jules.  We went to Huntington Lake near Shaver Lake.  It is such a beautiful place but this time there was hardly any water there at all.  If you don't know, California is in a pretty bad drought situation.  We are hurting for water.  The lake was the lowest I have ever seen it.

Speaking of seeing it.  The last two times I have been camping I found this flower:

Isn't it beautiful?

Okay.  Gotta run.

Love you!

Happy 4th!