OMG, he did not just say that directly to me, did he?
My other coworker asked for clarification and the first guy repeated "I saw a he-she the other day. You know a guy that was dressed as a girl."
I sat there stunned. Was he really relaying this story? Was he really relaying this story to me? Was he fishing for information about me? Clearly he discovered something about me and was wanting to out myself.
He then began to recount his story. "I was driving home the other day and I saw this person on the street corner waiting to cross the street and sure enough I caught the red light and they crossed right in front of me. And that is when I knew for sure that they may have been dressed as a girl, but that was a guy! And I couldn't believe that was happening right here in this town! Man, where have the rednecks gone?"
I was shell shocked. Here was my coworker, ridiculing another transgender individual. And here I am in a position to be able to stand up for this nameless person. And yet I hesitated. My emotions were telling me that I should fight, flight, or freeze. Instead I contemplated my options and the situation.
First off, did he not know that I am also TG? Clearly no. Even though my ears are pierced, my nails are painted, I occasionally wear female clothes, my body is shaved, my eyebrows are shaped, clearly this guy can't go to that on occasion I dress just like that person on the street. Funny. I know he was not fishing for information and wanting me to out myself. It was the way he told his story that I knew that was not what he was doing. He was just talking to a bunch of guys about something that most guys would relate to his opinions.
It is so funny. Before I did any gender non-conforming behaviors in my daily life, I was sure that if I did, everyone would know that I am TG and they would ridicule me and pitchfork me! But no, here I was, clearly being included in his male centered world and treated just as if I was just like him! It is true that plenty of people at work have their suspicions about me and I am sure that one or two know the truth for sure, but some people only see what they are capable of seeing.
And at first, I was angry and then I took pity on him and felt sorry for him and his ignorance and I decided that I was not going to attempt to enlighten him.
Why?
It would serve no purpose in my work scene for me to do so. It would most likely damage my working relationship with him to do so at this point. And I need to continue to have a good working relationship with him. Maybe one day I will enlighten him, but it would not be on this day.
On this day I simply said "The world is an amazing place with amazing people in it."
He gave me a look and then the conversation moved on to the next irrelevant topic.
Hmm... Life.
Interesting.
Love you!
Wow! Nadie that was a close call or was it. As you said it didn’t look like he was fishing, but you may never know, he could have been trying to read your reactions, however subtle. But you have the feeling it was alright and that is the main thing. You were right to say nothing it is too close to home, and he could make some connection at some later date with what he related and your reaction, immaterial of what you might have said.
ReplyDeleteYou describe yourself in the work place, sounds alright apart from the nails, do you wear the lovely blue metallic as in the picture, or clear vanish?
I would have thought the colour would be a dead giveaway. Although when I come to think about it some of the people that work with Alice didn’t seem to have cottoned on and they are really long colourful nails! Got to give it to the girl. I’m painting mine at the moment and at work and that is why I was interested (more in my next post).
That is a lovely picture of you, one of your best close ups, everything perfect.
Very Audrey Hepburn with the glasses my dear.
Abigale
Thanks Abigail. I don't know if it was a close call or not as I don't think I really care any more whether or not others know about me being TG. It may not be the best for them, if they knew, but I don't really think it would change much of anything about my life.
DeleteIn the work place I wear any and every color I choose. Currently they are painted red with gold sparkles on two accent nails. I too would have thought the color was a dead give away, but I suppose some people just do not want to see what is right in front of their faces!
Thanks for the complement on my picture! I like it as well!
I think that you ended up with the right conclusion that your co-worker is oblivious to almost all things "T" related including the issue of you being "T".
ReplyDeleteWe hear of stories of people with poor sight being given glasses that open an entirely new world of sights to them or, more on point, poeple with unknown hearing deficits who get a hearing aid and can now hear and appreciate music in full orchestration.
You and I and folks who follow your blog have a deep interest and unyielding curiosity in things that are "T" related. Our "T-dar" is always on and we are sensitive to "T" issues across the board and at all points on the T spectrum.
Your co-worker may not care a whit about T issues or T people. The subject may not be on his radar or ever rise to the level of conscious thought, let alone analysis and introspection.
Some people may be clueless and could not care less about duck hunting or furniture building. While I am not oblivious about these subjects I choose to spend my internet time on subjects that deal with hose and heels, wigs and wedges, slips and nails and skirts and makeup. My interests in folks like us who like to present as women, I surmise, is many orders of magnitude to that of your co-worker.
Pat
Interesting thoughts as usual Pat. I hadn't ever thought about T-dar before, but I highly suspect you are correct about that. My wife being bi has super fine tuned gay-dar, and I don't posses it at all! It is funny how oblivious I am actually. Quite the same as my coworker with T issues. Hmm... I never considered it that way.
DeleteThanks!
Pat I fully believe in what you call T-dar, sometimes it's obvious and other times its very subtle but one just knows. When as you said one concerns oneself intensively with 'T-ness' then one can read the radar as an expert. I will now put the kettle on for another aspect of Tea-ness, good night to you and all.
DeleteA simple well-delivered response. Enough for you to maintain congruence with who you are, as well as maintain workplace relations, and for him to know that not everyone might share his narrow view. Nicely done Nadine!
ReplyDeleteThanks Daria. I thought it was the best response. Not agreeing but not directly disagreeing either. Maybe a little something for him to ponder.
Deletewow in colour! I would love to do that but I would get flack from my staff, boss or not. (sigh)
ReplyDelete